(:

2012-01-30T01:51:00.002+08:00

Twitter has taken over.

I speak in 140 characters per unit time, and now that all's said and done,

I don't feel like typing out everything and longer in Blogger ._.

#firstworldpains

Something about confidence,

And perhaps something about school,

And also something about letting go because I was right and it is surprisingly looking easier and easier to do so.

2012-01-19T01:01:00.002+08:00

SHARED MISERY.

I'd never show it, but if you're suffering, know that I'm right beside you every bit of the way.

Or you won't know, because I won't show it.

Going back to blog posts a few years ago, and realised that even then I'd had a certain way with words I don't seem to have anymore.

Where are all the beautiful words

Where are all the metaphors,

the expressions?

All gone man.

An update on current situation.

Math 2. Heard it's difficult. But now that I'm resolved to complete my tutorials no matter what, I'd be fine, right?

Mechanics of Materials. BITCHHH. 4AU. The lecturer is a stuttering mess. Don't mean to complain, but SERIOUSLY WORST LECTURER EVER.

Goddammit and the tutorials are !@#$%^&*

Please let me survive. I will study. Please.

Fluid Mechanics. Ehhh okay la I guess. The tutorial seems interesting enough.

Civil Engineering Materials. Wow. Now I can understand everything my mom says.

Civil Engineering and Sustainable Built Environment. Dafuq? I left geography behind a long time ago. The past is biting me in the ass. And project work? ARGHHH KILL ME NAO.

Civil Engineering Drawing. AIYAH 1AU ONLY. WHY. Quite fun sia. AutoCad, bring it.

SHE SHOOTS, SHE SCORES.

I NEED TO WIN.

2012-01-18T20:48:00.002+08:00

:/

Confused. Realisation hit a long time ago that I'm in the same. Damn. Cycle. Again.

Too late, I'm in, now I'll just have to wait it out.

At least, sensitivity is not a problem now. At least I hope so.

SUNSHINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PLEASE GET WELL SOON

2012-01-17T16:10:00.002+08:00

snoopy is loves.

give me the warm and fuzzies.

smiling even in the face of complete lack of spirit, because you're here.

my sunshine. i'll be yellow soon. yellow means i'll find you soon, sunshine.

2012-01-17T00:04:00.002+08:00

Went for the first rehearsal ever and am now FLIPPING OUT.

Don't let myself lose control. So here's the list. Lists make me calm. I STILL HAVE NOT READ THE TERMINOLOGY FOR LIGHTING SO OMGGG.

- Location of lights (depending on where the cast are for the scene)

- Type of lights (Flickering, long, moving?)

- Effect of lights (Essentially the same as type of lights, why is this on my list?!)

- Timing of lights (Short, long? What was I thinking when I made this list. Partner said something about 7 seconds though, so I guess I kinda know what I'm talking about?)

- Brightness of lights (Dim, strong? How many percent?)

- Colour of lights (Especially the ending man. Zomg.)

Got to learn all of these asap because I HATE TO LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

And I have a boss to impress. Many bosses, actually.

They'd be laughing at me because I wrote in the interview: Does not know a thing but am willing to learn.

Do whatever partner is doing. He seriously knows what he's talking about.

Oh em gee gee gee.

Never gonna waste time again. I'm just glad I only have ONE super tedious math tutorial to do.

It's after midnight. Let's see how I last tonight.

No idea what to think, with everything that's happening.

I'll just go with the flow.

You're my sunshine. I'm not giving up on this, not yet. But once I see this is truly going nowhere, I am letting go.

I'll see you soon. Be safe, please.

2012-01-14T00:02:00.002+08:00

If say I go absolutely nuts just so I could drive you away.

But you're just taking it. You'd be all "Omg, siao ah?" but you're not running away.

You then siao ah.

Aiya now high liao. Don't spoil the mood by thinking too much.

Tomorrow then see how.

2011-12-24T01:43:00.003+08:00

You pluck on my heartstrings like you would a guitar, make me sing, make me do your bidding.

Unravel me.

Happening. Though when I tried to recount, it seems so short and clipped.

Monday watched New Year's Eve.

Wednesday played Playnation. Had epic fun.

Thursday went shopping then to school to train for hall road relay. 14:08 for a supposed 2.6km, but only because it was to recee race route and SL was there to run with me. Dying towards the end. Just, gahhh.

And now Saturday. Omg atas outing. Wonder which of my many formal dresses I can wear. Seriously impractical to buy formal frocks when I have not many formal events to go to. But they're so pretty!

Sighs.

Reason has returned.

I must think. Can't afford to be stupid anymore.

But must not be ice queen bitch. This is not a chess game.

Strike a healthy balance..

2011-12-21T23:44:00.001+08:00

Counting down the minutes..

Wishing,

Hoping..

2011-12-17T02:04:00.002+08:00

I'm wailing All Over You by The Spill Canvas in my head right now.

Too much chaos in here.

Shrugs I think it's good. Chaos gives me inspiration. This is a good sort of chaos. The bad sort makes me depressed all slit-wrist-y.

Gonna be alone for at least half of my mods next sem. Time to make new friends.

WRITER'S BLOCK BUHBYE

2011-12-15T01:15:00.002+08:00

Exciting day - It's a quarter after one, so I'm referring to later today?

Shall wake up at 7am, not much time to snooze/laze, and rush to Bishan to train for road relay. Hope to have a good run (:

Then shall rush back home and master Daddy's DSLR. I'm nervous because I have no idea how to use it.

Surely taking pictures should be easy. Going to a media conference to take photos of a famous person. Like, aoeilghakelghngahiwghaighkalsgka

Haha. Okay I can do this. Must breathe.

Sleep time! Shall blog about stuff that's been happening recently if I feel like it some other time.

Nights xoxo

2011-12-12T23:50:00.002+08:00

Going out of my mind.

I wish people would just TALK. TO. ME.

I'm the type who doesn't probe, doesn't ask. I expect you to come to me if you have any problems or you need someone. I'll be here for you, a thousand percent.

If you don't come to me, I'd assume you don't think I'm the right person to talk to about your problems, so I'LL GO FAR FAR FAR AWAY.

Never doubt my sincerity. Once people decide to lean on me, I do my best. I'd give you everything I can - support, a listening ear, tissues. Whatever. You. Need.

Why do people just- ARGH!! TALK TO ME GODDAMMIT.

Spontaneous plans popping in my head on bus 186. Typical. I always think a lot on that 30 minutes bus ride home.

Dance lessons. Not ballroom, lol. I want something energetic, something upbeat, something that will make me sweat and overwhelm me. Ballroom touches my heart, but I want a different tempo.

I tell myself that the purpose would be to build my confidence. I don't know whether that is true or not.

Yoga? Cooking? PIANO?

Find a goddamn job. The tuition centre hasn't contacted me so I'm thinking I'm out of the game ._. May want to ask around and score a lobang, but would be pretty difficult since I'd be available for less than a month. I have half a mind to go back to Aviva, but.. -_-

Outings? Overseas trips? Too late notice though.

Write something complete. I'm forever starting on something then giving up a few paragraphs into it.

Keep busy!

Read up on stage lights for blackbox productions.

Study next sem's materials, maybe?

Gosh.

I crave action all of a sudden.

Lazing around too much is not good.

But purposely looking for action is not good either.

Neither here nor there.

Let's end this here.

2011-12-12T00:55:00.002+08:00

And perhaps it would completely crush you to know that

Even if you walk away from me

In the end, I'd still have people trailing after me, walking beside me, or pulling me forward.

Sure, they wouldn't be YOU,

But at least I'd have something. You'd have nothing.

Completed my THE SAGA OF DARREN SHAN collection.

It kills me to have such a mixed up collection.

Book 1 to 6 is in a boxed set. With the really nice book covers. ^^

Book 7 to 10 is one book. Trilogy.

Book 11 to 12 is another book. Trilogy.

ARGHHH WHY CAN'T THEY SELL THE SECOND BOXED SET -_-

BUT OMG OMG OMG

IHAVETHECOMPLETESET

\o/

Aiya, lazy to blog liao la.

Goodnight lol.

2011-12-08T01:33:00.002+08:00

Have been typing out posts then closing the browser before I clicked "publish post".

I found happiness these couple months - small, simple.

Then I lose it all again.

No particular reason, actually.

Just feeling as if I'm drifting, going everywhere, but nowhere, again.

Existential crisis. It happened in the past, it happens again.

I threw this big party the other night. It took up quite a lot of energy. As a host, I was too nervous and frazzled to give a damn about how I looked, so now I moan at all the pictures taken. And there are plenty, believe you me.

Damn it, wrong outfit choice. Grr.

Anyway, the party had been for me. Decided on a whim, random, out of nowhere, just like me.

The gifts were awesome, I was seriously blown away. I seldom truly like gifts, accepting them because I believe that it's the thought that counts. But this time, woah.

Had invited many different groups of people, and also made sure that every single guest would not be alone.

Got pretty zzz by the end of the night because my energy was running out. And no matter how hard I try, I just can't function in a big group. I connect with individuals. Too many people unnerve me.

And of course, I'm not going to reveal any names, but certain things that happened just sort of upset me. Put up a good front though, I don't think anyone realised.

Don't order me around. Know your place. I'm your host. There are basic social rules to follow.

Anyway, I didn't enjoy the party as much as I thought I would. Great seeing everyone again, of course, but, well, it was just so much work and even though it had generally been a success, I got upset at the end of the night so it hadn't exactly been worth it.

Guest lists from now on must be considered carefully.

The sleepover afterwards was awesome though. I love my girls <3

Watched Breaking Dawn Part I today. It was utter crap.

I don't know, I don't exactly have high expectations. But it was just crap. I actually want to be free from my mild OCD so I don't feel compelled to watch the last movie next year.

So goddamn slow. A kiss after another. GDI I wanted to storm out of the theatre right there and then, it was THAT bad. Was the book that bad? Is it really true that the book may have been decent but it wasn't suitable to be made into a movie? That there would be no better way to present the movie?

I actually think the movie can be better. Sigh.

Anyway the night ended on a melancholy note. Had too much on my mind.

But calm and serenity is the way to go. I need to find and get back my little pocket of happiness.

Can't wait to line up more programs into my schedule, actually. I rather I be frazzled by all the activities around me and learning and experiencing than being in a constant state of immobility. I need to move, I need to explore, I need to go.

I need to grow up.

2011-11-25T01:57:00.003+08:00

It's my birthday today.

Well gosh. Can't believe I'm another year older.

My petulant child act is still constantly going on and off, and it's difficult to be reasonable when I'm such a spoilt princess.

Good natured bickering with the family,

Laughs with my closest girlfriends,

Jokes with my closest guy friends,

And I feel blessed.

Hopefully today will be an awesome day. I'm going to get high at least once I swear!

2011-11-22T22:33:00.002+08:00

Nice beats make me want to jump up and down in euphoria. Ohmygoddd.

All H's fault, I swear. It's like that time with techno music.

PUT CHO HANDS UP!!

Today was a horrible day but it's ending on a really good note! I have tomorrow to finish my revision on Physics and score like mad on Thursday. 4AUs, I PWN YOU.

Oh love love love GOING MADDDDDDDDDDDDDD JUMPING AROUND ALREADY (:

http://youtu.be/DnPOM88UwB4

THIS. So nice to get high on.

Next goal: Get my appetite back!

2011-11-22T00:53:00.002+08:00

好想知道你的一百分会给怎样的人-

Tired. So goddamn tired.

Wanting to make up for past mistakes is just so frustrating.

The minute I get flustered, I think I'm complaining, and I don't deserve to.

So I get even more upset.

It's really late and I'm still wondering whether to do Econs pyp.

2011-11-20T18:03:00.001+08:00

The one day countdown has started a few hours back. I'm now left with only a few hours, and that does not include sleeping hours.

At home can't study sia, seriously..

2011-11-16T23:47:00.002+08:00

Almost regurgitated the contents of my stomach just now while showering. And I ate normally today, meaning it wouldn't only be acid but still..

This despair. I wouldn't exactly call it stress. Okay fine, I call it stress.

Be brave. This will be over soon.

Shoulder to lean on, literally. Was nice.

And the others, makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

And then I look at myself and I'm shrinking again. The flaws have never been so significant till now.

I'm a woman child. Unwanted.

But enough of that. I'm stronger now. I will be strong always.

Goodnight world..

2011-11-16T01:30:00.003+08:00

Just a few days more to start of finals.

*spasm*

Just sprint liao lor. Chiong. Finishing line is in sight.

Had a fever yesterday and it left as soon as it came. Terrifying.

Well this cold better leave too, soon. I don't want it to stop me from getting my A's.

Came here with so many unspoken words but my words are awkward and clumsy once I type. I don't understand. It is not comprehensive and does not express what I'm feeling, AT ALL.

Happy days. They will last, you bet they will.

2011-11-11T16:14:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 11/11/11 EVERYONE!

So much love and laughter today. (:

I feel uncharacteristically happy. And that's so rare and awesome, really.
Everything's still falling perfectly in place, and I love my life right now.

Gonna work really hard for finals,
get that GD fawesome GPA,
then call for a party rock anthem :D

"Pain is temporary. GPA is forever."

SMILE EVERYDAY LUH, LIFE IS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

Mantra for life (:

**

Be your sunflower forever.
Sleep all day, sleep all night!
Drown in your scent, your smile.
TJH ♥

2011-11-10T10:42:00.004+08:00

#include

int main (void)
{
printf("Announcement: Yip Chun Yee Jennie has died due to excessive exposure to computing.\n");
printf("I don't even know whether this code will work.\n");
printf("Oh, and also, what the hell are functions and arrays?\n");
printf("I'm dead. Dead people don't think. Dead people give up on computing.\n");

return 0;
}

2011-11-10T00:09:00.003+08:00

Okay basically it's Thursday now and my schedule is STILL stupid.

I'm finally staring at the computing tutorial for functions.
There's this question? It's almost 2 pages long?
Like,

Wao. What is this fuckery.

Spots in my vision soon. Currently want food + sleep but neither is possible. I'm too darn lazy for the former, and as for sleep, duh, obviously. -_-

Computing is interesting though. I mean, I actually CAN like to do it. Just not now.
I stare at my answer for the first quiz, and I am STILL blown away.

Are you sure that's my work?

Because, wao, I can do that?!
Sure, it's not executable, but hey, I still got a bloody A for it. Not bragging though, but really, I'm shocked. I don't know how I managed to type all that and submit it. That day was a blur, actually.

But I'm thinking this sudden talent for computer programming is just for that one time. Please let me get an A again? :/
I can dream, can't I?

Just a little more. My stress level is erractic and all over the place. People are starting to talk about First Class, and it's ALL THEY CAN TALK ABOUT. -_-
No, I'm not saying it's not important.
And I am hardly surprised.
But this pressure is !@#$%^&*

I got into uni,
I was given a fresh start,
a blank new canvas.

I want that goddamn First Class.

Of course, I must work for it.

And I am. I can feel myself getting better, crawling out of the emptiness I've felt prior to A's.
And that's bloody awesome. You have to be me to experience this euphoria.

Well, I just hope the rate I'm going is enough.
And that it lasts.

2011-11-09T11:54:00.003+08:00

Planned a study schedule, initially for the sole purpose of feeling more at ease. But I'm actually attempting to follow it! 10 bucks on not following through for the first few days.

Yesterday was 8 Nov and I had wanted to finish reading the entire notes for Physics Part 3. There were 4 parts to the notes.

My progress now is 3/4.
And if you wanted to be technical about it, I've actually only finished 2/4 because I don't think anything from the 3rd part has gone in. And the 4th part? It has more pages than the first 3 parts -_-

Well according to my schedule, I would have some free time here and there (my schedule is shit though, can't be trusted).
So I'm not too worried.

Today is Computing Day! I plan to cover the entire syllabus. A rather obnoxious goal (again). But there's a test (makeup -_-) tomorrow. I'll cover as much as I can ^^v

Looking around at everyone around me slogging for their finals. It makes me anxious but I'm glad I'm still on track (with my shit schedule lol).
Have good motivation in the form of two dudes who make sure I eat during this stressful period. Blessed, really. And they don't stop mugging, like, at all. Which gives me the psychological force to do the same when I'm with them.

AIYA. Sian la. Just chiong and follow schedule. Byebye. xoxo

2011-11-08T10:47:00.002+08:00

Momentum.

p=mv

PUSH THROUGH.

2011-11-07T16:21:00.002+08:00

A level are starting tomorrow. Feeling some pretty serious déjà vu right now.

I'd better learnt my lesson.

2011-11-07T11:35:00.002+08:00

You got a effing nerve.

Bitter heart.

H told me to "F it, I'm moving on."

Well, f it, I'm moving on.

2011-11-06T22:36:00.002+08:00

AMANDA SEYFRIED. THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY.

I USED TO HATE MY HAIR. SHE GIVES ME RENEWED HOPE.

LOL.

YOU HOT BADASS GIRL, I LOVE YOU.

2011-11-04T18:09:00.002+08:00

Was mad tired but couldn't sleep. It was an entirely whole new level.

Dragging myself out of it to face the music.
After all, I'm stronger now.

Bak kut teh tonight.
Hopefully I'll be able to stomach down, don't wanna lose weight (again) just because of stress.

2011-11-02T23:03:00.001+08:00

NOT SLEEPING TONIGHT.

2011-11-02T12:44:00.003+08:00

There is just one simple plan in my head and that is to just do it.

If only it were that simple.

**

I realise once again why I used to blog so much. It's addictive to type out all your thoughts, like Twitter, only without the 140 word limit.

I stare at my work pile now and nod. It looks manageable. But I know I won't be able to manage because

I'm not Superwoman.

Have to just start, I guess. A whole day for me to read through everything. And maybe buy past year papers later from LWN library.

**

This is a good time to find myself. ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF I SET MY HEART AND MIND TO IT.

I am going to have a blast at the end of this, when I come out unscathed because I am THAT GOOD.

This is not me being egoistic. I am hardly the overconfident person I pretend to be. I just need to tell myself that I'm good often enough so I can believe in it.

Okay then, back to my notes and pieces of paper that I currently don't understand, but will understand hopefully by the end of today.

Bye.

2011-11-01T18:28:00.002+08:00

Had my speech today. Was shaking like a damn leaf.

Goddammit. It had never been this bad before. Speech making to me was supposed to be nerve wrecking but manageable.

Our group had done pretty well as a whole. I'm proud of us.

Just have to stop disappointing myself. Three more hurdles to go.

**

I'm so weak ):

Just a bit of force and I'm sent tumbling down the hill like Jack and Jill.

I refuse to be effed in the head again.

Must. Make. Myself. Care.

Care about it. Try hard. Then try my hardest.

I have so much to prove, so much to do, and I can't possibly stop here without even putting a foot forward.

Someday I'd like my angsting to produce some result.

After all I have to keep my eyes on the goal. Life's not gonna be aimless and fumbling and bumbling and flailing.

Life's gonna be awesome. I just have to start. NAO.

2011-10-31T00:43:00.002+08:00

Don't fall down the rabbit hole again. Don't.

'Cause I'm just trying to be happy.

Happy like this, always. Will keep smiling, because what would life be for otherwise?

True happiness doesn't need to be chased. It will come naturally, like breathing. At its own time, at its own pace.

Till then, I'll just be waiting and smiling. ♥

2011-10-30T13:48:00.003+08:00

I'm brought out of my funk already. Gonna be my happy self till the next episode comes.

Hell Week is arriving. Speech on Tues, Math (!@#$%^&*) and Econs quiz on Thurs, Computing on Fri.

Still I'm relatively calm. Have already prepared my speech, and if I bring enough of my fake confidence up on stage, I predict I'm gonna kickass. And if I start mugging for the quizzes now, there should be no problem.

ZAI KIA 就是这样 (:

Different energy from before. Now I'm optimistic for my studies again. :D

Yay, good things are coming. Good things are near. I'm so gonna kickass.

2011-10-27T22:13:00.002+08:00

You make me dance
Bring me up
Bring me down
Play it sweet
Make me move like a freak
Mister Saxobeat

**

Track of the day. These days it's just better to immerse myself in sexy tracks.

The stress is easier to handle.

The hurt is easier to ignore.

So far I'm still doing really well, being really zai. Like I know I can be. 4 hours of after midnight studying for every single subject and still scoring A's.
But it's still largely due to luck.
Cmi, must work harder.

Downloading tracks then perhaps gonna prepare my kickass speech.

Life is seriously awesome right now. I feel stronger.
Hurt, sure. The wounds are still fresh.
But I definitely feel stronger.

GOGO BABY GIRL.

2011-10-24T00:31:00.002+08:00

A cathartic release, perhaps, for blogging when I haven't been for months?

Such heavy disappointment. Murphy's Law rears its ugly head again, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that.

I suppose luck can only bring you so far. And I'm still so rash, still so young, do first, think later, and now I'm a trainwreck waiting to happen.

Such a people pleaser. Such a high achiever. So unrealistic, so naive. This will only be a bullet point in the list of Jennie's failures, but damn, it's planted a bullet shaped hole in my heart and I hope like hell it would recover. Soon.

Gotta take it like a man, I guess. Lol. Okay okay, woman. Sorry, I kid too much.

**

Well moving on..

So much has changed. And yet everything feels the same.

Sky's still blue, grass's still green. It hurts a little more, is all. Feels like a loss. And what a huge loss it is.

It is probably because I'd fallen into such a comfortable routine, that when things happen, it paralyses me and I can't breathe all of a sudden.

Forget how to function.

Forget how I dealed with all the loneliness and sadness, before you came and helped me bury the feelings in the backyard.

You hadn't been perfect, too, but you'd still be here at the end of the day. It hadn't been so bad.

But now everything is. Bad.

I'm sad and I need closure, but I've always held back in front of you and you probably have no idea that I'm feeling this hurt.

Well, I'd offer a shrug right now and end this because there are just no words.

**

Uni life is incredible. It's exhilirating, it's tiring.

Well life's exhilirating and tiring, too. But hey, just got to deal with it, ya know.

A few months in and I feel like I've been here forever. And all the waiting doesn't count anymore, because seriously, nobody cares.

Got to make new friends, and it's an unfamiliar feeling, smiling and talking and making an effort, because Heaven knows I'm shy to the point of hostility in front of strangers.

Eventually getting judged by my own friends because well, I'd judge myself too.

Honestly though, sometimes the emptiness gets to be too much and I'd crack under the pressure again.

But I figured I need to at least try.

**

Health.. I'm starting to think I'd never be healthy. I'm like, the anti-healthy.

But it's definitely been manageable. No more fainting spells, at least. Those are freaking scary and I really hope that I wouldn't get them, like, ever.

**

It feels like I've got tons to say. But right now, I can only focus on whatever's been covered in the first two sections of the post.

I still don't feel better. Much.

Don't get me wrong, I think I've definitely become happier from the last time I was on this blog, but I'm moody as hell now which is the reason I've felt the need to come here to rant.

Hungry, actually. Gah I seem to get hungry a lot these days.

Well maybe I'll come back when I have more to say.

2011-06-06T14:16:00.002+08:00

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

I miss the me with the long hair and the love for ribbons.

And everything else that past me represented.

And that's 30 days :D

It's been fun. Hee. Bye!

2011-06-04T21:55:00.004+08:00

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Okay there you go.

You no right to see what picture always make me smile *nods and states in gruff voice*

Can't really find one that makes me smile, not laugh, ALWAYS, so I guess this one is real good XD

2011-06-03T00:06:00.002+08:00

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

I'm afraid of regrets.

From now on, I ain't gonna do anything I'm gonna regret.

2011-06-02T00:20:00.002+08:00

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

LOL. Nothing much to say for this one.

2011-06-01T23:33:00.003+08:00

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Uhm Idk. Beauty?

Appearances aren't everything. But it's 99% of everything. Can't deny ._.

So obviously everything must be as pleasant looking to the eyes as possible.

Gives a good impression, and everything.

Good judgment, hence good outcomes.

I wna make everything as beautiful as possible from now on. Inside and out. Improving everything without compromising on any core fundamentals.

#wannaliveagain

2011-05-31T21:46:00.003+08:00

Day 25 - A picture of your day

I have no picture of my day. What do you mean anyway? The sky? :/

Hmm, no pictures of my day, but I sure can show you this:

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL :o

Hahaha, I went for driving today and got Number 89, which was this black car parked at the very back.

Of course, it's not as sleek and sexy as the one in the picture above, but still, compared to the other white NORMAL cars around,

LIKE WOAH.

Haha but the instructor who took me for the lesson kind of gives off this vibe. It's rather unnerving. So I was tense and everything while cruising on this baby.

It was so damn responsive! I moved a little and it moved with me.

Hee but I asked around after the lesson and it turned out that Black Baby was second hand. Lol, the instructor thought I was upset that it was black in colour and shrugged helplessly, saying that since it was second hand, they couldn't choose the colour.

Well I freaking loved black. LOL.

Anyway, he said it was a Honda. And the picture shows a Honda, according to Tumblr.

I AM SO IN LOVE.

Hee my dream car is starting to evolve. I had green and orange in mind. Am adding black to the list right now.

Can't wait to get something sleek. It may be a few years down the road, but a sleek ride is worth the wait :D

Maybe I'll get Black Baby again soon. I've stupidly lined up back to back lessons for the whole of this week. Tomorrow I have two, Thurs and Fri I have three each.

I clearly didn't plan this out well enough ._.

Eyes hurting like madz. Gonna go and dream of Black Baby. Lol.

2011-05-30T14:06:00.002+08:00

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

I want to be less impulsive.

Think things through.

Plan the whole thing out.

Then execute with precision.

2011-05-29T14:32:00.002+08:00

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

THIS. Naturally. -.-

2011-05-28T23:32:00.003+08:00

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Haha if I could at least have a little more confidence, my world would be a better place (:

So I wish I were more confident :D

LOL I realise this has virtually nothing to do with being confident or whatever.
But well, I'm tired and I'm not thinking straight and Effy is so damn beautiful/hot.

2011-05-27T19:59:00.004+08:00

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

._. If I show you a picture of something I wish I could forget, I'm just gonna make myself remember it more.

Besides, that something may suffer from a case of

If I had wished I could forget whatever that something is, I would have gotten myself into a car accident like those lame dramas and lost my memory or something.

LOL.

This is a ridiculous question. I'm not gonna do it properly. This is my answer. Kthxbai.

2011-05-26T11:06:00.003+08:00

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Glamorous and pretty, what's not to like?

2011-05-25T00:31:00.004+08:00

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

Dear Future Self,

Keep your eyes on the prize. Focus on the goal. Be a human again.

Lots of love and hopefully admiration,
Present Self

2011-05-25T00:17:00.005+08:00

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Due to the internet connection in my house screwing up, day 18 is late.

But oh well, I'll still deliver.

My insecurity? I need to be loved. In some ways, I am so much like Monica Geller in Friends.

But nah that can't be shown in a picture, so let's settle for second best.

I don't like that I'm a kid. Size wise. No curves, underdeveloped, all that shit. Always been hearing comments like, GOD, you don't look your age. People say I'd appreciate looking younger when we've grown older, but for now, it's really not a good thing.

How is it good when people take a look at you and don't treat you seriously.

How is it good that I apparently haven't been growing like the rest of my peers.

You're right, it takes energy to listen to those comments, and not bitch slap the hell out of whoever's saying them.

But it's been going pretty well, I've been told I dress well, and looks seriously aren't everything. Maybe a 90%, I'm not that naive, but definitely not everything.

I don't dress well actually. I struggle with my wardrobe. I don't do this for anybody but myself. When I look good, I feel good. It's just the way things are.

Then I think, oh man, I need more clothes that would flatter my body type, and panic again.

But at the end of the day,

And I accept that and move on.

I'd forever be seeking ways to make me look better, and that's the way I deal with my insecurity, I guess.

2011-05-23T00:22:00.003+08:00

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Hardly anything is happening these days ._.

Zzz,

Yeah I'm one of those losers sitting around reblogging all day.

Cheers.

2011-05-22T00:13:00.004+08:00

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Well I don't know much of Effy's character so far, but what I know of her so far, I like. I'd say she's rather inspiring.

2011-05-21T23:51:00.003+08:00

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Right now? I'm kind of embracing the idea of never caring when it'd happen. So I guess I've never thought about it before.

But there are some things that come naturally to mind.

Make everyone I love know that I love them.
Start a family.
Make money.
Feel accomplished, worthy, like your whole life's worth it.

Hmm,

I guess what I want to do before I die is to stop being like this:

Chris is adorable though. Poor thing. :/

2011-05-20T10:05:00.003+08:00

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

I <3 my mommy.

2011-05-19T00:01:00.004+08:00

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Well I have many favourites.. Hmm..

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?
Well you could try sleeping in my bed.
Lonely, own me, nobody ever shut it down like you.
- Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart, Alicia Keys

2011-05-18T00:09:00.003+08:00

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

I love pretty pictures. This is an example:

And since I can find pretty pictures such as the one above on Tumblr, I love Tumblr. :D

2011-05-17T00:11:00.002+08:00

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Bloody hate it. *deep frown*

2011-05-16T22:36:00.002+08:00

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with

Definitely Veng 8D

2011-05-15T13:56:00.001+08:00

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Persons, you mean.

2011-05-14T15:06:00.003+08:00

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

LOL there are many. Hmm, lemme see..

Yupps. Definitely making me laugh.

2011-05-13T01:45:00.000+08:00

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

I'm choosing Glitter Baby for now. It's ONE of my most treasured items, lol. I'm sure there are others, but the picture for Glitter Baby can be taken off the internet and I don't have to manually take a picture of my own copy.

It's a great inspiration. Funny, because Fleur isn't real.

Fiction or fact. Gah.
Po-tay-to, po-tah-to.

LOL THIS PIC CRACKS ME UP.

2011-05-12T23:19:00.001+08:00

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Honestly? Nobody.

But well, people will pelt me with eggs.

So.. I guess the typical is to go with somebody famous?

Idk, I'd choose someone who's going through mental torment.

Just to see what everything is like through his/her eyes.

Maybe I'm the one going through mental torment because this train of thought isn't normal *frowns*

LOL

I like Cassie. Or Hannah, that's her real name.

Would like to be in Cassie's mind for a day,

Got this pic from prisonofdesire.tumblr.com

2011-05-11T11:11:00.002+08:00

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

The recent trip to USS la, of course.

SO FUN :D

2011-05-10T22:37:00.007+08:00

Day 04 - A picture of your favourite night

Favourite night? Wah this one difficult.

Can I give you favourite KNIGHT? Hahaha the Rhode Knights in Barajou no Kiss are too awesome. I have two favourites though.

Kaede Higa: (taken from anime-lalalalalove.tumblr.com)
Mutsuki Kurama: (taken from ryovi.tumblr.com)

Lol. Okay okay just kidding. Shall go hunt on Facebook. Hmm, I guess this one will do. Here you go. Haiwei, don't say CHEY ar, that night was really pretty awesome :D

AND THIS PIC I SAW ON TUMBLR IS (Y)

Taken from everythingblowsmymind.com

2011-05-09T11:47:00.005+08:00

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

LOL I READ DAY 3 WRONGLY AT FIRST AND I ENDED UP POSTING A PIC OF MATTHEW PERRY ONLY ._.
THE PICTURE'S STILL BELOW, HAHAH I CAN'T BEAR TO DELETE IT.
ANYWAY, HERE'S A PICTURE OF THE MAIN CAST FROM FRIENDS!

FROM LEFT TO RIGHT,
CHANDLER BING (MATTHEW PERRY), RACHEL GREENE (JENNIFER ANISTON), ROSS GELLER (DAVID SCHWIMMER), MONICA GELLER (COURTENEY COX), JOEY TRIBBIANI (MATT LEBLANC), PHOEBE BUFFAY (LISA KUDROW).

THEY AWESOME HAHAHA.

I took this picture from Tumblr too. michaelbuble-.tumblr.com
LOL.

**

LOL CHANDLER BING FROM FRIENDS, OF COURSE. MATTHEW PERRY IS AWESOME :D

I took this from Tumblr. inquietbeauty.tumblr.com
LOL CHANDLER BING <3

2011-05-08T01:31:00.004+08:00

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

okay i guess i'm gna go with liangshixian. let's just pray she doesn't visit my blog LOL.

HAHAHA OMG SHE WILL TOTALLY KILL ME IF SHE SEES THIS. she'd untagged this pic on fb lol.

I'M GLAD ONLY ME, HAIWEI, AND MAYBE A FEW VISITORS WOULD SEE THIS.

2011-05-07T01:30:00.002+08:00

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

1. 'Bimbo' is a brand of soft drink manufactured and marketed by Coca-Cola, Inc.

2. 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.

3. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

4. During his lifetime, artist Vincent Van Gogh only sold one of his paintings.

5. Farmers in England are required by law to provide their pigs with toys!

6. If a Lobster loses an eye, it will grow another one.

7. In 1998, Sony accidentally sold 700,000 camcorders that had the technology to see through people's clothes.

8. In the original version of Cinderella the slipper was made out of fur, not glass!

9. It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population are drunk.

10. The average office worker spends 50 minutes a day looking for lost files and other items.

2011-05-07T01:05:00.003+08:00

I'M DOING A 30 DAY PHOTO CHALLENGE THING WITH HAIWEI DARLING.

GAH I FORESEE I'M GNA HAVE TROUBLE FOR MOST OF THE 30 DAYS.

OKAY WE'LL JUST HAVE FUN WITH THIS. SOME OF IT WILL MOST PROBABLY BE LAME.

WATCH OUT FOR THE NEXT POST (:

2010-09-05T19:48:00.002+08:00

Sticky sticky sticky yucks. ><

Okay I think this sucks. A week, and I can't stand it when my life ain't purposeful and shit. This goes against everything I've written in my GP prelims paper 1, yo.

Then at night my eyes will hurt, then I will sleep in till 12 the next day,
and the cycle continues.

People confuse the hell out of me.

Of course, I confuse the hell out of people too.

So, I guess that's fair.

2010-08-28T17:01:00.002+08:00

“What is the most resilient parasite? Bacteria? A virus? An intestinal worm? An idea. Resilient… highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it’s almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed – fully understood – that sticks; right in there somewhere.” - Dom Cobb

I think I rather like Oscar Wilde's quotes, too.

Quotes, quotes, quotes.

I wish my fear would go away. Compounded, completely irrational fear. Because insanity had once been sane, after all. And it shouldn't happen, wouldn't happen, because we were calm, nonchalant, stoic, unmoving, but it just kept going,
carving,
bleeding..
Death goes against every human instinct, because we are built to be able to live,
but death is so easy.

I wanna be faster, stronger, better.
I wanna take on the challenge of being one of the fittest.

2010-08-23T21:30:00.003+08:00

Stress level's going down pretty smoothly, I'm glad for that.
But I'd like it even more if I have time to do stuff that I enjoy.
Stuff like, running, writing, painting, taking pictures.

Homework is fun, it really is. I just don't think my mind is settled down enough to not be stubborn about it.
It's like I've set my mind to do other stuff.
I just want to see a shadow of the old me, the freak who actually thinks homework is fun. It is supposed to be, anyway. Because if it isn't, then you will never get any satisfaction from doing it, and what's worth working for in life if you don't derive anything from it?

Stupid rigid illogical brain of mine. ):
Mild OCD, a bit abnormal.

Lol, I think my stress works in very weird ways.
It either makes me behave crazily, or it makes me display physical symptoms like dry heaving and stuff. Uncomfortable. I prefer the former, because that one I can do something about. Something I can control.

I fear, btw. I fear many things.
I fear strange people, I fear sharp objects, I fear water, I fear balls, I fear swallowing, I fear fearing.

I think it's all curable though. Minor stuff. I'm a normal girl who thinks too much.

Currently I think some people really deserve their places in my heart.

Family comes first, of course.

Jiayi Goh knows too much of me to not be considered a best friend, and besides, there's always something that ties us back together whenever we face the danger of separation. Don't worry if I still don't trust anyone, you're very quickly getting rid of my doubts of lifelong friendship. And I'd be willing to bet you're going to be the first exception, out of those very few that would make the list.

Chan Songhua, I don't have the time for him due to A's, but he's still there for me urging me on and giving me comfort and support in every way he can. You have no idea how grateful I am. Thanks, really. And never hesitate to approach me when you need help, I'll be there in every way I can.

Various classmates/ex-bandmates that are suffering like me and cheers me on anyway. If and when I make it through, I'd make it my mission to make each and every one of you smile for as long as you people know me.

And of course, there are some others, but Jennie's a lazy girl, so..

.. To be continued.

2010-08-20T23:07:00.001+08:00

2010-08-17T23:38:00.001+08:00

Misery Business by Paramore. High school is evil.

And stress beats it hands down.

I refuse, I refuse, I refuse!

2010-08-14T16:00:00.002+08:00

Just realised a few days back that my blog skin is made based on the song Swing Swing by All American Rejects.

Was listening to my mp4 and the song was playing, and the lyrics struck me as very, very, very familiar.

Heh, I'm such an unobservant little creep.

**

Rubs eyes. Guess everyday's gonna be a horrible day.

2010-08-13T22:50:00.002+08:00

"Here's the new art of the twenty-first century: the art of curating, the art of plucking all the good stuff from a superabundance of crap... Why should you view something that's not great?"
— Joseph Gordon-Levitt

**

Saved as drafts.

Hmm, ignorance is bliss. I could write an essay on that.

2010-08-02T22:30:00.002+08:00

Has to start inflating. Am infuriated at this state.

The same blasted music's been playing downstairs every single blasted day.
It's no wonder I don't like Poker Face anymore.

Unhealthy fixation on Joe.

I need to eat, sleep, and move more. Sluggish behaviour is horrible, shows bad omen.

Kovan Residences is (Y).
Too bad it's not freehold.

I'm thinking about money again, hmm.
Needs to earn many many money. And learn how to manage my finances, because obviously I screw up even the money/time allocations in games like Sims. Not that I play much of such games, I'm not a gamer.
So, games screw up, real life confirm also screw up right?
Ahaha, can't find another person like me.
Fixated on $$, but no chemistry with $$.

Every Monday will kena kicked out of class during break time. Fine with me ar.
Needs to return those 3 blasted books to the schl lib, what was I thinking borrowing them?

(Y).

2010-07-26T23:47:00.002+08:00

Today sian.
Major freak out.

Shall just declare my love for Joseph Gordon-Levitt, because I have a feeling this wouldn't last for more than 5 years.
Uh, J.Hale. XDDD! It's worth splitting cost if I can dream again :D

I'm so despicable. Despicable me. XD
But I haven't watch. Not intending to, too, I guess. :/

Eyes are these two slits that might just dissolve into nothing one day.
That is a rather scary idea, let's not go there.

Okay, I promise, tomorrow will be a great day. Shall bring eyedrops to attempt to withstand the pain, and also, heh, to start tomorrow.

Optimistic (:

2010-06-09T19:27:00.003+08:00

Snap? But it ain't that simple. You must have a piece of string and pull on both of its ends first.

Never good enough, never good enough.
Eyes blurring out at the edges because they don't have the ability to be focused anymore.
Is this what you'd feel like if you do drugs? Because hell no, I'm not going to try them, but I'm curious.
Well I'm not very far from those losers. And apparently I won't die as soon, too.
It's great, actually. All I have to do now is to absorb the pure essence of power and control, and then make damn sure I'm focused, and then. Hell. It might not work as well as I think it would, and I know it, but I can't let myself not say something to myself.

Tomorrow's great. I'll have a whole day of.. hmm.. this and that, and then I'm off to have E lessons at night. She better not blame me for blinking excessively and yawning in her class, because when have I ever NOT done that?

Alright. It's on then.

(Btw, Jennie, please let this be a warning that if your half-asleep state cannot keep you away from the bed when you get up in a rush to press the stop alarm button at 7 am sharp, then you will come and haunt yourself when the day ends. Moaning away about how it's just a slip of concentration from opening your eyes wide doesn't help.)

2010-06-08T21:03:00.002+08:00

Sticks.

Okay, another one of my crazy plans. It'd fail, but what doesn't?
Time to make a phone call, then find something to fill myself.
Maybe helium. So I can fly like a bloody balloon.

2010-06-04T23:09:00.003+08:00

I know I wouldn't be able to keep it going.
Not for long.

In a nasty mood cus apparently I caught a lil cold.
This is nasty. Nasty nasty stuff. Did I say nasty? Yea you heard it right, it's nasty.
Nasty. You got that?
Nast.. Well, dammit, I said "cold", not "nuts". I have to stop it so that I can tell myself that I'm fine. (:

Song of the day's Need You Now by Lady Antebellum.
I'm singing my way to a grave because my cold's wrecked havoc on my throat. Singing doesn't help. Of course, I'm not causing maximum damage because I know how to make sure my throat doesn't get worse.
Well that doesn't make sense at all. I really do need to learn to make sense. Not making sense sucks.

Well now I'm sneezing, because my body decided that making a fool out of me when I'm so ready is fun.
Why did my immune system go haywire NOW?
It can go haywire any other time. Just not now. Dammit.

I've decided I'm good friends with anger.
Because anger comes to visit me all the time.
I'd be nice, ask anger to make itself home SOMEWHERE ELSE and then slowly I blink myself back to life.

Well I have a headache, I ain't feeling great at all, because all I've got to do now is to climb up a mountain from where I've freaking slipped down onto.

Ohmygod, honey pie, I'm gonna be sick.

This isn't fun, rawr?

2010-06-02T19:44:00.002+08:00

I am watching MTV again. When I got back home they were showing all the J & K mvs, and I realised they like to make people cry.
I loved Wedding Dress by Tae Yang, ahaha.
Just got the song from Serming. Yayness.

Katy Perry's not having any new songs,
they are STILL playing Fearless by Taylor Swift again and again,

and I think I'm going to explode if I watch Can't Be Tamed by Miley Cyrus again.

Jersey Shore is stupid. Fist pumping doesn't look cool at all. They showed the same ad again and again. 16 & Pregnant's ads too. All over the place. I don't like it. In between every 2 songs. I'm still drooling over Adam Lambert's Whataya Want From Me.

Math Olympiad was stupid. I had fun :D
I shall redo some of the questions when I have time, don't know why my answer was different from this guy sitting in front of me.

Ate with Zoey Ang at LJS. Finally found someone who loves LJS enough to be able to tolerate their scamming and their diminishing food portions. Oh, and she loves the ketchup too. Everyone else takes the chilli.
._.

I'm darn full.

Ah shall go watch Wedding Dress (again) when I have the time.

2010-06-01T19:28:00.003+08:00

Chocolate. The sounds of children getting their presents on Christmas. Flopping down on bed and snuggling with the pillow. You.

Yea yea, so I get my inspiration from other great pieces of work. Sue me.

I'm glad I quitted, apparently someone likes to have spare specs as well, because I saw a black pair instead of the usual white ones, Orchard Road is full of badass kids, I can apparently get bored to the point of wanting to hit on complete strangers,

And god. I wanted to walk into Borders/Kinokuniya so bad.

Thank you Jiayi for distracting me with another of my favourite things. Phone calls with Jiayi.

Well I have my Custard Cream biscuits from Marks & Spencer, I have my..

HOLY SHIT, THERE'S MATH OLYMPIAD TOMORROW. Well, at least I would be hurting my brain and having fun reading the same sentence over and over, oh, and peeking at Mingshin figuring out his questions, while the rest of my class would be listening to the same droning over and over again. Tell me it's not boring. And I'll tell you pigs can fly.

Hmm what do I have after Math Olympiad. Oh, right. Okay, I'm happy now. I've just told my brain what it'd need to do for the rest of the night. Hopefully it listens to me.

Now I just have to ingest and do whatever it is I told myself to do.

2010-05-30T21:31:00.002+08:00

I have a lot, A HELL LOT, to be thankful for,
I had been given a good life,
Life isn't difficult for me, and as far as I know, it isn't difficult for anyone else I know.
But then again, we're deprived of excitement in our lives, and I really do love them adrenaline rushes.

I wasn't born into a system wrecked with chaos,
where people make mistakes because they were weak, because emotions and outside influences fueled their delusional beings to follow instincts to kill, to fight, to survive.
I wasn't born into a system where there was insanity lurking at every corner, and even I wouldn't call it insanity because there must be a reason, a logic, behind every single damn thing in this world. I was born into a world where we humans suppressed our instincts for violence, and made peace. It's stupid but necessary to come to a point where we just agree and compromise, because we were determined to be civilised to make progress.

I want to learn to tell a convincing lie, have a cold steel heart, and die for what I believed was right, and for those I love.
I won't fight, because it's been evident from the start of civilisation till now that making peace would do more good than fighting.
Vulnerability is bad, though putting up the act would be fun, and hell, I'm as vulnerable as one can get.

Physically, I'm a peanut to handle.
Mentally, I'm as volatile as mercury.

And really, I'm just nothing.

I won't believe in normalcy, because then, I'd panic when something quite the opposite happens. When you're as strong as you can be, you control, and then you won't die.
It's a theory of survival of the fittest, duh.
And right now, I'm one of those short giraffes that can't get to the leaves of the tall trees. It can't be considered a metaphor if I am indeed short, can it?

I need to munch on chips and work on getting myself a headache,
then hopefully I won't have nightmares or urges to constantly look behind my shoulder.
Fear is for the weak, and I don't want to be weak.

I realise this is all rather disturbing.
I blame my self-destructive tendencies.

2010-05-28T16:38:00.002+08:00

Glad to see everyone getting better.
It doesn't matter if everyone else is feeling good (:

GP yesterday was (Y).
As far as I know, Michelle Choo was the only one besides me who did the question with 5 words.
Consider the value of mistakes.

I pray that Yim won't read my essay and tear it to shreds.

After that was Olh's lesson all the way. We sat in the seminar room, and frankly? I hated the room. The seats, the lighting, everything.
Or maybe that was because I wasn't feeling well for abit before I finally went to the toilet. For a long long time.

Went with Haiwei to JP to buy her stickers. I saw donuts (fine, it wasn't donuts. It reminded me of donuts though.) and cookies and food and ran far far away.
Went KFC and bought the Popcorn Chicken I was craving for. Om nom nom, seriously.

Met Huiyuan, got bumped by people on the bus, many many times, to the amusement of Yuanyuan, and then finally we headed to her house to change and collect rackets.
Her rackets are awesome by the way :D

Ohmygod, I love badminton with 4I.
Can you imagine playing not for competitive purposes, but purely for fun? I felt much better after the entire thing.
We split into History and Geog group, then we took turns playing.
Constance and Huiyuan trained me hahahaha. Okay they didn't. And Constance must go suck her thumb. Pouts.

Ah, there was an asshole coach there, can ask him go die. I like to swing my legs, how? You want scold me lousy?

Addicted to Coke (:

2010-05-26T14:40:00.002+08:00

I bloody regret not going today.
Why cause a disruption in the everyday pattern that I've set in life.
I'd rather have cramps in school, complain of a headache and run a fever, go through the everyday motions as I sit and laugh at everything and anything, and look on in indifference at the cruelty of school life,
than sit through this.

School's hell, but it's an escape.
A good distraction.

Nobody bothered. It's not like I should be surprised.

I hate changes.
From now on, I'm following routine even more closely than ever. I can't afford to squirm again.

I hate you too. I really really do. She gets all paranoid when you talk in hushed whispers and then she thinks the whole world is against her and then I start bawling because I do hate everybody so, and then you have to continue talking, and demand I get lost.
I hate you for leaving me like that, confused. It's not like I'm half as dense as what I pretend to be. I know, I act like I don't, but I do know.

Hate hate hate,
The only thing I want to do now is to turn the clock a few hours back, and drag my sorry groaning ass out of bed and off to school.
At least, I'd be able to sleep there, eat there, laugh there, study there, and not worry about upsetting anyone.

2010-05-25T21:16:00.002+08:00

I really haven't been sleeping well lately. It's a toss and a turn and an unpleasant little shudder before the cycle begins again.
What's up with that.

My eyes are hurting again, and it's only Tuesday. Then a Wednesday. Then The Thursday.
After The Thursday it'd be a Friday, which would be not that great, not at least till it's the following week.
If you asked me, I'd say I'm doing shit at life right now. I'm not surviving very well because I'm so very tired.

And confused too. I thought it was getting better. Then it got worse.
Of course, it may be paranoia, but still, I'm really better off without the constant swinging.
Felt something was wrong when I stared blankly at a disappearing shadow, then I shrugged it off and concentrated on making myself feel better because, I really ain't very healthy right now.
I'm not eating, I'm not feeling, or feeling too much, actually.
Another difficult period to tide over, and I wish I wasn't a masochist, because everytime I wanted to check things out, I get sucked in and wants desperately for a ladder to climb up again.

Talk about the rabbit falling down the rabbit hole. Alice in Wonderland is wonderful and everything, but what I need is some perspective.

Wednesday shall be the epic day. I shall go home, pass out for a few hours, then create my own world of stickypads. Know how much I need them. Doesn't necessarily mean my world will come true, though. It's just another thought, another ambition that my brain cooks up, just for something to do.

I love my latest find. It's great and everything, and I'd be ready with my stickypads, definitely.

2010-05-23T20:44:00.002+08:00

Deep down we all know that grass is purple, so who cares if the grass is greener on the other side?

Had a normal day today, because I realised that time has caught up to me again.
Needs to run faster, faster, faster.
I spent my time cooped up in my room, then realised I haven't had a headstart after all, because discipline had never been my friend, not before, and definitely not now.

Well it's never too late to start.

Yesterday had been fun. Watched green ogres, and before that, someone that looked like Leona Lewis though I can't be sure, sing a nice song on a big screen. Should have caught the title and singer's name. Blah.
Rude boy by Rihanna was on when I stopped watching and started queuing.
(You have to work on your flying skills by the way :D)

Saw some pretty hot guys at Heeren. Was fascinated. Entranced. Enraptured. You know what I mean. I shall stop. (:

2010-05-19T22:22:00.002+08:00

Tangled Up In Me, by Skye Sweetnam.
Typical song.

I thought it had rocking lyrics, so I went to check it out.
Didn't have the complicated push-pull thing going on,
but well, who am I to complain?

"You wanna know more, more, more about me,
Gotta know reverse psychology."

2010-05-19T20:16:00.002+08:00

Scoffs at everyone.

If I had a chance, (but I never do)
I'd take everything, anything,
keep it in, and then never ever let anyone in.

Not to care,
because after all, I go to school to learn and to score,
not to involve myself in everyone's world.

I was harsh, I am STILL harsh,
a little shaken, a little testy,

I need to find a way to get myself rich and powerful.
Then I can seclude myself and the people I still want around me from the rest of the world.
I won't have to share, I will take it upon myself to cure whatever hurt they're feeling, and they will in turn, me.
Possessive, possessive, tsktsk.

Why do I feel like I'm the best,
feel so full of myself,
so superior, like everyone's below me,
but I find that I'm really not.

I'm really lousy.
At everything.

I can't shine,
I can't seem to do anything well.

I guess tomorrow's a new day,
and I just have to work on some, well, work, then I can rest and sleep this away.

After all, I can't wait for the end of this,
that's when I can fully indulge, fully taste the spice of life.

I'm a passionate person.
My life now is stifling, I can't breathe,
so maybe one day I would regain my strength and be the person I was supposed to be.

2010-05-18T23:08:00.002+08:00

I don't know what's up.
But it always happens like this these days.
Just know that I care, okay?

I don't like being in the dark. Not that I mind, because I know I don't make a good cure, but it makes me feel like I'm less of a friend.

I realise that they all have funny acronyms.
This one is WTH. As in, really WTH.
Hahaha.

I'm going random and all over the place.
Leon called me crazy, and asked me to go sleep before the last of my almost non-existent sanity decides to abandon me.

So do you fancy having a cut of tea with yours truly?
But well, I don't see pigs flying, so, I guess not.

Tomorrow's gonna be pretty freaking boring.
My self esteem when it comes to any physical activity? It's left me. Now I cringe at the mere mention of.. *cringe*

Well now, I don't exactly have eyes at the back of my head,
Wait, let me check,
No, I can't see the wall behind me. I'm safe.
Besides, what's the use of eyes if I'm just going to get hit anyway? By those round objects. I'm really glad my name ain't Mary. Because, you know, Merry-go-round, and it's not even funny anymore.

Ah, I'm fluctuating downwards again, and this frequent happening is starting to annoy the shit out of me.
I'm guessing I'd wait it out for people to come and talk to me,

And if I'm this insecure, really, I shouldn't be surrounded by anyone at all.

2010-05-16T23:17:00.001+08:00

There's something strangely comforting about blogging. Or anything that involves thinking, really.

It might be the reason why I'm blogging so much all of a sudden.

I'm so hated. Like, I'm this absolutely disgusting and revolting ball of nothing, and balls are meant to be kicked, or rolled around, and I guess I am to be treated just like that.

It's sad that I don't find the need to bloody explain myself anymore. There's no point in that.

2010-05-16T20:14:00.002+08:00

Ah.

Insanity can sometimes be made comprehensive, like something easy to understand, like why the sky is blue, for example.
It's the reason why we should never be caught off guard,
And I'd like to have a good poker face from now on, as well.
It's like how Caterpie turns into Metapod to protect itself, and when it evolves, it turns into Butterfree.
ANYWAY, Butterfree has mad skills. I love Confusion many. And it's pretty.
ANYWAY, I think in this world, where our external environment is forever a constant, and we, the only variable, are the ones causing the madness, we, and only we, should be the ones who'll be able to understand it.

Either I'm stupid, or I'm an exception.

Weekends aren't fun. I like to stay back in school these days to do my work. Haiwei points at me and says "Mugger. *Shakes head*"
and I'd just grin back at her. Frankly, it's not that much work done. I have much more to catch up on. And it's so much it's really not funny anymore.
Weekends give me a headache. I will make sure to be productive during every chance I get, and then I won't scream. Saturday is spent wasting time, and Sundays are for going out. I'm really angsting here. 3 makeup classes for E, and 1 for G. And I officially end G on the 2nd week of June, hooray.

I learnt about cycles today when I helped my lil bro revise for his science paper.
Cycles, cycles, bloody cycles.
Relate to the The Paradox of Happiness article that I got for my comprehension practice,
and you think about "hedonic treadmill".
I myself do not know how I came to that conclusion.

Okay, the plan for tonight, complete bio essays, complete math tut, and then perhaps attempt the rest of the bio assg.
I shall read chem tomorrow to prepare for after school mugging session, which isn't productive most of the time but still, better than going home and be even LESS productive.

I like the Tinkerbell necklace from 77th Street. It's pwetty. Yay.

GOGOGO DO BIO ESSAY BLAHS.

2010-05-14T19:59:00.003+08:00

Dirty shoelaces,
Did you clean yourself today?
Did you prove yourself,
look pretty in a ribbon,
or did you slump all day?
Were you good?
Were you bad?
Did you make anyone upset,

Oh dirty shoelaces,
have some hope some day.

**

Happens many things.
Today the sky very pretty.
I don't have to make sense, please don't be lazy, you can go make the link yourself.
When I don't make sense, I sound mysterious, hard to figure out. That guarantees attraction. But then again, it may make me sound incoherent, retarded, and a bit not right in the head.

I want green files and smileys.
Dresses and curves.
I have to eat more.

I might have to finish that fict. But it's too depressing. But it's taught me how to appreciate my life that much more.
Many people around me has made this week a good one, despite all my down's.

I shall go listen to The Spell by Alphabeat.
Yayness.

2010-05-10T21:37:00.002+08:00

Standing on the rooftops,
Everybody scream your heart out ♥

Okay, just consciously put in this effort, Jennie.
Consciously.
Have to rid yourself of all the rubbish you've taught yourself over the past few years.
It will not be a vicious cycle anymore.
Just you and your epic skills.

I'm awesome.
I'm lousy,
but awesome.

It's nice when you see yourself running again,
but then you trip over a bloody rock,
and then you get bloody too.
Then you don't seem to want to run anymore,
but you know that it's something that has to be done.

I can't walk though.

Ah, if they are going to change PE games after every 5 weeks or something,
I swear, I rather run a few rounds. Running helps me relieve my stress anyw, I don't understand why I have to suffer playing some ball games when I'm constantly dodging the ball due to ball phobia.
The aim is to catch the ball right.

Shall be a masochist already.
Strain my muscles a little.
It's not like I can't do it.

Then I won't be stupid anymore.

2010-05-09T19:18:00.004+08:00

Alright, think now should be it.

After all it wouldn't be nice to go back on my word now, would it? It's like swallowing your own vomit eew. I forgot who was the goon who told me that particular joke, but I'm really not enjoying the shivers lol.

Cute, but I've thought about it, and it really doesn't make much sense..
Hmms.

Anyw, Happy Momma's Day to my Momma, of course.
Like, yay, hugs and cakes.
Jumps.

2010-05-07T19:40:00.007+08:00

The names of some groups really do crack me up.
Ludacris's rap was that bad, huh? Hahaha.

When I was 13, I had my first love.
ASLKDJASLHCFALBFNCHOAEIFHAENOFIAJF ABOVE!

*claps* great job.
I have a feeling Jiayi will start suffering from pains when she reads this.
Laugh too much.

Ah, wonderful, I really don't know.
We gek each other gek damn long.

I kena pimple sia. Wlao. Dno how come.

Hmm,

"You think think, but never do do, so people think you never think, because you dno how to think and do, then you do and think, but still cmi. Mots: don't think."

Mots - Moral Of The Story
Originated from Olh's cloning notes. Yays to her.

I spread my cold to many many people.
Yknw, those lame jokes?
Hah, I really do love it when people freeze in front of me (:

Anyw, what's with people these days.
I shake my head at everybody.
Damn sian, trying to please and please and please.
Who said smiles work?
They don't.
They make things worse, though.

But I can't not smile.
How can I not smile?
So ungrateful, so selfish.
With every passing day, I am counting the stars to when I'd be one of them myself,
but everyone else isn't. And it's affecting my concentration.
I'm losing count.

I need to fix my eating disorder.
Overeat all of a sudden, then don't eat at all.
Then stare because I'm inadequate, never good enough, never good enough.
I'm sorting through my angst like a textbook, flipping, unpleasant but necessary,
Puts a frown to my face, that one.

Okay, that shit is real funny. Ahaha. I'll never get tired of it. CLICK ON THE PICTURE! :D

I'll run off to sing myself to sleep.
Proving my words have never been so hard, but I promised, and he's nice about it, so I shall just do his homework and whatever I need to to reach that place I want to be.

2010-05-05T21:58:00.003+08:00

Little girl, don't run around, don't hurt yourself, don't move.
Because, little girl, you might then fall to the ground, you might then hurt yourself, you might then bleed, very much so.

Little girl, stay,
But, little girl, would you listen to what I say?

*

A fleeting moment, then it's gone. My head's bursting with words unsaid.
It's an incomplete thought, like the black charcoal on half of the drawing paper. Flat, two dimensional, unreal.

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars,
I could really use a wish right now.

2010-05-05T20:40:00.003+08:00

Don't let me scare you off just because I'm scared, too.

Tired trying to make my head stay in one place because it's been a nerve running here and a nerve running there, and I don't know how long it'd take before all the nerves come together to create an explosion bigger than the freaking Big Bang.
Not pretty.

I got Oreos, loads of them, courtesy of Onii-chan and then KHH today.
This is great. I'm going to indulge in them black and white goodness and pretend everything's okay because they are the sweetest treats ever.

Had Doritos for a little snack,
Looks like the whole concept of Comfort Food doesn't really relate to me after all.
Eat this eat that, in the end, still no change.
Laughed at Dear crying over Fruit Basket and her Souma Kyou or something.
Got my Doritos stuck in the freaking machine, so I exchanged my 2 dollar note for loads of change from this really nice girl, and got two packets of Doritos in the end.
May J.Hale love me more (:
(Hey, I'm as little as A.Cullen, okay. There's this resemblance, acknowledge it please.)

Freaking fictional characters.
Engineered to be flawed, so that they are perfect anyway.
Maybe I should work on a biography next time, and not some stupid story that wouldn't last for long.

Bonds are so easy to break. Really. Just meant to be broken, begging to be broken.
Then when it breaks, it all comes down to us, and it's a chain reaction, and we're reduced to dust in moments.
Just like that, and you're asking me to sing?
Sing about what?

Life's good, but I don't seem to appreciate the goodness in it.

I have so many things to be thankful for.
A functioning body, though not functioning perfectly, but still functioning.
Many items that screams: I'm hers. Do not touch.
Family that's just that. Family. With problems, but whose doesn't?
Friends that's just that. Willing to offer you the simplest thing of all, companionship, and if you can't even appreciate that, then maybe you're better off with no friends at all.
My country, that seriously rocked my world. I don't want to be living in Thailand right now.
My school, because I am freaking being given knowledge in neat packages.

I have sufficient supply of whatever my cells would need, too. You know, primary school science? The air, water and food?

So why are we still not content?

So I've decided, I'm happy,
because I have no reason not to be.

2010-05-04T20:42:00.003+08:00

I like your words, soft and sweet and funny, tickling me all over.
Making my skin itch, my skin crawl, at terrible things,
and making my soul fly, my soul sing, at gestures so pleasant that it paints smiley faces all over my face.

I like sensitivity,
Soft and cushion-ey,
just begging to be rested upon.

I like the whole motion of feeling bliss.
Movement, graceful and floating, like a dream in reality.

I like your world,
where I can sing, dance, and laugh,

and I can't wait till the A's are over to indulge in it all.
Read 'em all! Ahahahahahahahahahaha.

(I'm buying Unsticky right after my last A's paper. Nods vehemently to myself.)

2010-05-03T21:27:00.003+08:00

It'd been a weird day.
The type where you feel like you don't belong in your body, instead floating around in your nervous system looking for somewhere to stay.
I'm worn out again, this I know.

I'd slept pretty late in the night, my head conjuring images of total darkness and rest. But I'd woken up at about half past five, shocking the hell out of myself, as those images turned into something quite different from rest.
I dreamt of death, and struggle.

I'd asked for it, though. I know better than to read about the fragility of humans caused by stupid cancerous genes/cells and the strength of an emotional bond. (No I haven't been traumatised by my biology notes wts ._.)
Something along the lines of: Dreams flitted off like butterflies if you let them go. Nightmares were no different, only darker moths.
And then I went ahead to have a nightmare of some sort.
Lol, no one died, but then it'd been quite the experience. I was the superhero in the dream, probably due to my obsession with Jasper Hale and his ability to sense and soothe.

It was a lonely morning, cold and stinking of junk.
Singaporeans are and will always be a fascination of mine, as the man behind me ordered two sets of Sausage McMoofin with Egg, in a clear and confident voice, like the haughty imitation of a high-class businessman.
It brought some sunshine to my own Sausage McMoofin with Egg, even giggling hysterically under my breath, I'd managed to sneak off to my corner seat with a uncooperative stomach.
McMoofin indeed.

It got noisy, so I upped and left. The rest of the day was mundane, like an old song that's been overplayed on the radio.
To sum it up, I left my phone in the toilet and got admonished for it, (at least I got the damn thing back) my obsession with Unsticky came flaring back into life, and I've a spoilt earphone (the right one, singular is correct).
Oh, and I finally got my pretty Doubt picture from Jiayi.
Okay the more I look at it, the worse it gets. It wasn't such a good shot after all. The other words at the side were a coincidence, not at all purposefully chosen to create the entire picture.

I'm zenning again.
It's down to my sciences, and honestly, I have no idea what to feel.

That gaze of self-consciousness, raw and intense,
I'm getting a case of the Teenager's syndrome, insecurity?

J.Hale, Vaughn &Dylan.

Someday I'd open my own agency.
I'd have time then, so it'd be all up to me and my pen.
Doodle abstract lines to represent the blur, the action, the security,
the absurdity of a commitment,

because you know that no matter what happens, no matter when, you'd go ahead and make the same mistake, because it doesn't make sense but it's perfectly logical at the same time.

I'd like then, to see my own characters come to life.

2010-05-02T20:03:00.002+08:00

I wonder if I'm trying to be funny by doing this.
But no one's laughing, so it's fine.
I'd wanted to snap a photo of this using my phone, then put it as my wallpaper, but taking a picture of the comp screen seems to have this hazy effect and so, my intention would be gone.

So I said, SHIT DUH, I shall use printscreen. And that's exactly what I did. Goodness, now my phone's wallpaper's awesome, and I think I love the little things eating up my memos.

They aren't so little on-screen, but, well.. I guess that can't be helped.

Am reading ToG, and I think it's both better and worse than ToV. Better because there's more connection and sensitivity in ToG, worse because I can understand ToV better.

Sigh, if only.

Thank God I'm not sick of Macs.
Because I'm finally sick of Pepper Lunch. After so damn long. Remember today's date. It's 2 May 2010.

Will dream of Oreos and starry eyes, because I'm born for this.

I don't understand emotions, because they are a weakness. A bloody weakness that brings you down.
No wonder robots pwn us.

2010-05-01T11:05:00.002+08:00

So after some deliberation (on my part, but I won't apologise)
I've decided that I shall ignore all the toxic bubbles blown towards me.

Toxic because they cause damage (duh)
Bubbles because.. hmm, maybe not bubbles. Bubbles are weak. But that makes it easier for me to ignore..

Nevermind, thought processes go awry in the morning.

I quite liked one of the quotes on P's blog. She has all this interesting pictures. There's one that says "Today I will be happier than a bird with a french fry."

I've decided I like tomatoes now.
Eh no, someone, scold my brain please. That wasn't what I wanted to say.
I've decided I like Mixtape by Butch Walker.
It's pretty awesome. Mingshin sent it to me I think.
I believe I haven't talked about it yet in my blog, because I've actually been in love with it for quite long already.

Mr Koh told us to set our own trends.
I like untied shoelaces.

Maybe one day I shall learn how to fly.
Can fly = (Y)