a dream of deja vu,

**

me likes to doodle on my table. with pencil of course.
i hope the table is mine forever. dont ever lose my table and give me a replacement cus i dont want it! ><
i've written some stuff on it, mainly things you dont wna know,
like,

twilight. xD

**

wooo a few more days. okay, maybe not a few.
im countdown-ing to 29june!
it's gna be my second bigbigbig concert and this time i will be a pro kia who can play clarinet like a pro and not like a squidward.
the last concert was when i was a sec1 i think D:
ride, soran funk & macarena were nice, but i totally screwed up the three songs.
ahh, the band then was still pretty strong. had a great sound, played great music.
good memories fade.. D:

alrights then, i shall contain my excitement for the concert :D

now's complaining about my new goal which i dont really know if i can achieve.
those bunch of people, i shall aim to change them like how i changed the currently attitude problem free bunch of people.

they better not mistreat my darling condemned, although they are condemned, but condemned is better than nthg at all.
&i swear, why dont they have the enthusiasm for main band?
sighs-
it still remains as a mystery to me.

(:

ohwell played badminton today during pe,
yupps, i confirm im still as lousy as ever.
i must learn how to do the overhead shot thing,
because badminton's the first "ball" game that i can actually play without running away from the "ball".
lols,

eh please, im not a bella, but im pretty lousy when it comes to sports.
excl running and badminton xD

haix, so there's english to do,
and the chem file to do,
not to forget our hongloumeng, which has recently earned back my interest.

i guess bio's off the list, for now.
if it's tedious, im a practical person after all, i shall aim for phy,
it all depends on how i do from now on, i hope i can do it :D

**

maybe there's a chance that you're stuck on me too <3
it's a frigging song, but this line doesn't really suit me now, i just like the tune :D
im on a strike! :D

because jerks are always there.

swing swing ;
9:19 PM;

schl reopened le.
it din help with the monotone.
):

**

things are great with band (:
provided that smth happens. &i sincerely hope it will.
:D

thanks heling for The Talk today.
recognise the capital letters? hahah :D
i owe it much to her for not spilling too many tears.

having chocolate now.
kinda sweet.
i hate sweet stuff these days. wonder why.
i no longer have my sugar rush,
i have this disgusting feeling to replace it.

lols!

ytd was fun too, i learnt smth new :
yijun's head is the nicest to pat ever.
and his cheeks too. very nice to pinch.

to zhiyi : i have my eye candy alrights.

but i have to say, i din realise yijun's head is so nice to pat. ._.

**

so,
quite a lot of things happen these days,
like..

how zhiyi and liangshixian are the best people ever to make me laugh,
how chuashixian and i are discussing more stuff these days (: EVEN SEBBY! i think we are actually starting to communicate. and that's good :D
how sebby is finally easing on letting me huachi over his darling eflat,
how vengyi and farah are the nicest people ever,
how hongloumeng is driving me insane.

stone? a blade of grass?

i condemn the author. seriously.

me and huili was giving luoyusi and each other weird looks.
and no, although this is rubbish just like the saying that a mismatched pair of lovers will in the end become a butterfly and be with each other for eternity,

this CANNOT be compared to vampires.

i repeat,
CANNOT.

that fiction is rubbish man,
THIS is what i call proper fiction : angels, vampires, anything but stones and grass.

ohgosh have i mentioned how much i condemn the author? no wonder he/she died by vomitting blood. or smth.
but the book was pretty interesting. im glad it wasn't some boring nonfiction that we have to be tested on.

...

i like flowers.

starting to be random, am i not?

ohnos.

swing swing ;
9:00 PM;

im a happy :D yet upset girl D:

lols.

**

i felt like everything i've built has collapsed right in front of my eyes,

i should have known, &i should have stopped it from happening,
i just din know that the situation would have to become like this.
i din know it would come to this.
seriously.

but i know i should have stopped it, &now i hate myself for not.

this world should be wiped out of emotions man,
emotions kill. okay, fine. GOOD emotions dont,
but negative ones, they kill.

i intend to major in psychology one day, believe?
:D

even though i respect you two for all you've done, and how you've handled everything till now,
because i had tried to be like both of you, i had tried to make sure that i dont destroy whatever you two had created in the section,

and i will totally kill to make the same things that you two have made happened, happen.
i really have respect and awe for both of you, i really do.

but one thing's for sure, i disapprove of the lack of the psychological factor.

we need to think more about the feelings of everybody, that's what i feel.
and maybe why i feel that way is because im a bad player (i totally am, so shut up.)
and i know what it feels like for things like whatever happened today to happen.

it was despair, horror, and a nightmare altogether.

those who aren't us, you have no idea how we survived through that period of time,
i completely threw the passion away.

sighs-

swing swing ;
7:09 PM;

groans from the pain.

DAMN GASTRIC FLU.

there's this damn virus in my head and stomach.
alrights?

damn damn virus.

and yeah, im like a suffering badly right now?

yeahhh like i need any of the virus now,
im eating even lesser than usual,
eating only an eclair for the whole of ytd,
and for today? ate a piece of ham, had a little soup, and damn, three small bites of pizza.
and there, i cant stuff anymore food in.

vomitted my heart out too, trust me, you dont wna know the details.

wonder why these things happen to me.
damn damn damn!

gosh im gna die soon D:

(ohyes hooray, next time when you get stuck in maple like my bro,
damn.

find a freaking hidden portal.
before you start freaking out.)

ohyeahhh i shall hope with all my heart that perhaps we would play black river overture, maybe not for this concert, but perhaps for practice or whatever.
im in love with the tune!
woooooooooh babyyyyyyyyyyyy <3

ahaha, im not normal when im sick.
can tell?
good,
proves that you're not dumb.

swing swing ;
5:55 PM;

im a weird emo bimbo who's constantly looking for ways to suffer.
yes, i worry for my own sanity too, like you do. (:

**

ohyeah, there are certain issues to talk about now.

&if i dont die by the time im officially a (in a singsong voice) GROWN UP~
psychology's my thing.

or at least i think so. im pretty fickle if you dont know me that well.

**

insanity is one,
selfishness is two,
&have i mentioned depression?
ohoh! and rubbish filling up your brain too, so much so that you dont even have anym rubbish bins to dumb the rubbish into.

maybe we should just build some landfill or smth, like semakau xD
until technology proves to be better and we can all stuff those rubbish elsewhere.

anw, yeah.

there's this conflict with respect though,

im still currently thinking of ways to solve the problem (the big scale one, which is to get rid of the troubles from everybody literally, or the small scale one, which is to get rid of the trouble from me, and me only. because i can only do so much.)
using the most sensible method.

hmm, this aint math yknw. it's not easy to solve.
sighs-
wait, math aint easy unless you're a mathematician or a high level math student. (i meant complicated math like.. hmm, calculus? aw man calculus's interesting. but i wonder if there's any more other than differentiation and integration.)

anw,
you get my point. it's not easy to solve at all.

even the most sensible way by far has its flaws.
you just cant solve it yknw?
it's like.. AH! N.A.
not applicable.
._.

(zzz, i think my brain's so filled with rubbish that im actually thinking so much math.)

but seriously,
im about to burst from constant insanity,
but think bout what it will do to that poor soul in my living room now watching cartoons and humming some tune? (yes, my brother's actually doing that. like a typical pri2 boy :D cute eh?)

you want respect eh?

i tell you,

I AINT GIVING FREAKING RESPECT FOR PEOPLE WHO DONT DESERVE THEM.

yeah, that's it.

swing swing ;
8:25 PM;

4 out of 3 people have problems with fractions.

(xD)

**

highlight of the day : 4i class outing (cycling :D)

so i was totally hyped up, since it has been years since i touched a bike D:
had to say it was completely WHEEEEEEEEEE :D

firstly, rented one bike for jiayi,
hahah she was damn scared! just like me when i first rode a bike without the two little wheels at the back ._.
and she almost succeeded many many times too, just that she was too scared to continue peddling.
i shall make this in my aim list (low priority cus i might not have many chances to) : teach jiayi how to ride a bike herself!
&i still remembered very clearly the happiness i felt when i finally learnt how to ride a bike in my void deck after schl. (pschl days.. ahhh~ :D)

then after that me anna jesslyn and kexin went to rent a bike as well!
&we played around for abit, ride here ride there. was damn nice, cus i finally could feel the wind in my hair again. super nice.
shortly after, all the rest rented bikes too. and we set off xD

I DIN FREAKING KNOW WE WERE GOING TO CYCLE A MARATHON!
TT

30km? piece of cake ._.

so we rode for quite some time (no i wont mention the fact that smth happened outside one of the toilets. lets just say it has smth to do with black ugly birds ZZZ.)
and we were like, serming, are we there yet?
serming : err, we're 1/3 of the journey le.
WALAO?! O.O

hahah was damn stunned, but quite fun,
i cycled with huiyuan for awhile, then tried the wind thing again, and then rode with huiyuan again.
it was super fun, cus me and huiyuan were commenting on alot of stuff we saw! like wind-surfers. damn cool!
anna too, haha she was like, ohmygod this place damn romantic.
it's true la, got alot of trees and flowers and yeah, it was damn nice.

hahah, jiayi got to double bike pouts-
they said double biking is quite relaxing leh!
xD

so after awhile, me and anna start saying things like,
OHMYGOD MY BUTT DAMN SUAN, OHMYGOD MY LEG DAMN SUAN.
haha everywhere also damn suan leh!

constance was funny too. she started trying to ride with one hand on the handle only.
and wiggle her fingers of the other hand, asking me to do the same when my hand start to feel numb a little. or cramp. cant tell the difference anym ._.

hahah, &after awhile huiyuan double bike jiayi and serming kept zooming past me ._.

not to mention that the two pros, jesslyn and kexin, was like, well, pro.
o.o

we finally stopped at this place that has swings and everything, just like the ones in bukit panjang park!
ohmygosh i swear, i enjoyed swinging, &lets just ignore the fact that if only my butt hadn't hurt so much, i would have enjoyed it even more.

and then we reached this place that's full of food. (i was hungry. kua1 zhang1 a lil bit cannot ar?)
we ate subway~~
i totally finished my bread. which was o.o
&all of us were totally slacking around and telling jokes. made me laugh like shit i swear.

ah set off again. this time,

CRAMP.
LEG CRAMP.

wah, i totally jumped, kicked and stretched and whatever.
thanks serming and anna leh!
they waited for me and everything, and kept checking on me to see if i was alright.

aw man, in the end, i dragged everyone down.

ziwei and xianglonn joined afterwards. both of them damn fast. &commented that i looked like i was dead HAH (i heard that okay?)
yeah true. damn xin1 ku3!

i rode real slowly for the rest of the journey.

and im glad i made it!
ahaha,
wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

serming came back with either ziwei's or xianglonn's bike to look for me afterwards and cheered me on ^^

crap i feel like TT

at bugis..
dinner was good too, i ate spaghetti with jiayi, mushroom soup too, and garlic bread.
then we joked around for awhile again, and finally it was time to go home.

wah what a nice day.

heh i look forward to band tmr. gna prac on performing pieces le ^^
performances just give me the high :D

swing swing ;
10:32 PM;

lost,

lost what?

hmm,

passion? perhaps,
perhaps..

after some time,

you lose the passion.

**

too many a time.

,

i like writing essays that have depth.
like solid, thought provoking articles.
&im still working hard to attain that sort of high level. ><

i need to be clear,
i dont know where im drifting now,

i need to be unlike a squid in the sea now,

like an arrow, a spear,

like a pencil, and with fear,

but determination,

surely,

&definitely/the goal in the basket,

the limits and the boundaries,

will be broken.

swing swing ;
10:33 PM;

pentupfrustrations.
imafooltohavethoughtthaticoulddoitall.

andbyquittinganything,
it'sjustafightbetween
braveryorcowardice.

lettinggo,goodideanot?

swing swing ;
11:46 PM;

swing swing ;
7:06 PM;

when certain adults are irresponsible,
those adults have no right to tell students that we have no right to condemn them or that we must have respect for them and not be rude.

i still have respect,
yeah. i do.

but when we have to find eight frigging articles on a topic we aren't even familiar with,
sure, we're given a month to do it,
but by the time i find out, two weeks are gone and we have half the time to do smth ridiculously impossible,

hey, that kinda sucks eh?

damn.

yknw what,
sure, we're supposed to check ivle every single day of our lives,
but how many of us actually do that?

at least make us aware of the hmwk that's gna be in there?

zzz,

swing swing ;
1:23 PM;

I DEMAND AN APOLOGY.

**

worry creases her forehead.

i've seen a few people going mad.
a few just recently.

guess im returning to the dark world i belong in.

this not normal alrights?
it's just, wrong.

assholes are creeping me out,
assholes all around me.

get rid of those assholes, someone.
replace them with those angels im familiar with.
like, return them to whatever state that they were in before they've gone mad?

zzz, how infuriating.

swing swing ;
4:41 PM;

lose your senses ♥

**

i treasure this moment,
clear, no complications.

that's what the world's supposed to be (:

me with a clear mind.

music playing in the background,

haha, liu2 bai2?
xD sorta.


♪~

swing swing ;
10:56 PM;

swing swing ;
7:24 PM;

-editted-

ohgod.
im considering whether or not to buy
the host
by stephenie meyer.

read synopsis and some book reviews,
think it's not bad,
so far.
xD

**

my bro's folding stars o.o
hahaha,
i can fold them until the flat flat stage?
then, later, when you're supposed to squeeze them till they become 3-d?
that, i cant do.

(in other words, i make ugly 3-d stars TT
boo, sadness D:)

lalala,

**

im not speaking to you till you've cheered up i guess.
because i dont have the ability to cheer you up,
not because i dont care.

so the cheerful you,
i will miss that you, who was one of my bestest online friends. (and also one of my ex-classmates)
till you recover then.

swing swing ;
5:19 PM;