forget the pain,
sunshine.

(but needles are still scary. they form part of my rare nightmares yknw. but i dont dream much. hmm,)

i shall be brave,
for my own benefit.

**

dizzy spells,
@.@

im scared.

three things to juggle,
besides my hectic schedule,
i cant believe i still have my health to look out for.
i know i havent always been the healthiest girl around,
but..

im gna make early new year resolution okay.
this time,
surprisingly,
i actually have goals i wna have for the year ahead.
personal goals, not any that's forced out of me,
but goals that i wna achieve, myself.

and yet, throughout my whole life,
i always fail at achieving my goals.

knowing i have a short term determination is depressing.

awwman,

ambitious,
yet i somehow think this is gna end up as a fiasco.

faith girl,
i gta believe :D

swing swing ;
9:24 PM;

yupps im still a squealing fangirl (:
lols.

addiction of the moment :
vampire knight (im still not sure whether or not to condemn the plot. lols.)
midnight biking
techno songs
twilight
fanfic
jigsaw puzzles
writing/drawing

zero or kaname? hmm,
zero bah :D
kaname has too much control over how things should happen.
&besides,
kaname is yuuki's.. i shall not spoil :X
(yea, the plot's kinda twisted. sigh.)

still, the two male characters are about to drive me insane.
they are shuai de lo.. :D

i guess i need to stop obsessing over vampires.
like i said, they are supposed to be scary for god's sake.
damn.

edward cullen &jasper hale are loves <3

all time fav : alice cullen (:

(yupps isn't the above proof enough that im a squealing fangirl?)

**

man, so what now?
still going on with the yo-yo, i see.
i find it hard to trust this.. friendship.
it's so hard to judge.

this uncertainty,
i hate it much,

**

inferiority in every way.
you have no right,
you have no damn right.

yes im jealous.

i feel much like a young kid,

ambitious much?
i wna be.

i can only take so much.

**

we all can be the shining star every once in a while (:

swing swing ;
9:35 PM;

a wound i'd always remember.

song of the moment :
bleeding love,
leona lewis.

swing swing ;
9:27 PM;

swing swing ;
8:17 PM;

darn worried.

im so stupid.

should have joined them.
i mean,
wth. i know i cant.
&i still stubbornly went along.

&now, i have to pay for the darn consequences.

swallow my pride,
and just do it?

what should i do..

my situation's the worst,
i cant possibly have night pracs,
which is precisely why i didn't join alumni.

i will just have to pray that they are more supportive,
that the other THEY would not cause too many problems,
and that i can trust myself to work hard and not neglect what is supposed to be more important.

&noone can effing tell me that i have no passion and i dislike playing.
because i've sacrificed so much for it,
and got scolded so many times,
got discouraged so many times,
and if that still doesn't prove anything,

nothing else can be proved.

damn.

swing swing ;
9:18 PM;

swing swing ;
8:06 PM;

swing swing ;
10:28 AM;

deli,
is the..
ultimate.

lols.

**

well im pretty much screwed up today.
tired, since me and omnomnom practically walked till our legs came off.
she wore her black obs t. imagine the horror. lets talk physics shall we? black absorbs heat THERMAL ENERGY.

tiong, eat, job hunt,
feels rejected.
great world city, job hunt,
feels rejected.
orchard road, job hunt,
feels rejected.
plaza sing, job hunt,
feels rejected.
returns to orchard road.

i have a screwed up schedule.

ahwells, holiday to do list :
(in no particular order)
1. bio o.o (unlikely. xD)
2. go out have fun
3. write
4. deli
5. eat till i gain at least a few more kilos. (when i feel like it) im starting to get worried ._.
yes. eat until i gain. not DONT eat until i LOSE. lols.

ahwells..

swing swing ;
9:02 PM;

i'd buy my time,
drag a little,
start on a slower pace,

so i wouldn't have to hear your footsteps from behind.

**

oh the wonders of how people's minds work.
especially mine ._.
i played with my
(yes. mine. apparently my bro after getting his new DS, decided to hand DOWN his old blue gameboy to me. goddammit.)
gameboy for a few hours today.
pokemon. AHAHA.
im amazed by the number of scoldings and negative comments i got.

noob.
- michelle
you stupid toot. go catch the higher level one. and stop saving the game after every battle you bloody toot.
- constance
aiyoh, i dno what to say. you ar.. wah piang. go catch the dugtrio la. you catch diglett only lvl 14, dugtrio comes in lvl 29 you know. still say want to save pokeball sia. this game can chiong finish in 3 days, you play until like that, dno when can finish sia.
- zhiyi

okay so that's not exactly what they said. but it's close enough.
*laughs violently at the comments*
(even though they all mean a single thing - im a dumb bloody idiot who obviously cant play pokemon.)

**

cheerful mood today. (:
i'll try to keep this up :D

swing swing ;
8:43 PM;

everytime.
every single time.
i can see myself spoiling everyone's moods.

i harbour irrational thoughts of a young child,
because whenever i look at myself from the outside,
i could see someone bleeding, stuck in an enclosed space,

im pretty convinced you choose to make us suffer.
but in my heart, in the deepest darkest corner,
is the love i still am able to feel for you.

if only,
if only you could choose to be somewhat normal,
then i'd bet everything would turn out right.

i wouldn't be suicidal,
i wouldn't feel stuck, restricted,

and for god's sake, i certainly wouldn't pity every single one of us.

i distance myself at times, from friends,
noone is close enough to know.
and i wouldn't want to affect anyone.

so.. perhaps it would be better if i just take things easy.
try to go out often, release the stress,
and survive.
it's.. the "smart" thing to do, i guess.

(but she belongs there. i know she does. send her there! tsk. ><)

swing swing ;
9:30 AM;

here's the promised return-tags.
im super sorry people! ><

haiwei - hahaha nvm la! you can become, err, those very fair skinned princesses in fairytales. xD
genie - yupps. thank goodness that smiley wasn't created by me. i might be offended. XD!
tralala - YOU?! got darker?! wow o.o hahah! oh shit. okay i go put link :D
zoenin - hello! :D hahah im amused :D
haiwei - nvm la, got chance de. we can go tan like mad someday. :D err.. class blog.. ? wait i later go see. xD
Evan - omg. o.o wth? ahaha.
haiwei - thanks for encouraging him. pouts-
JIAWEN - hahah okay done.
elf - yes precisely! err i dno bout the sleepover though. lols i confirm cant go de xD dont be bitter, there's still class chalet (:
genie - there's smth called not pushing it too far. other people live in cck mah, i ask them drive me to my house people will call me rude de. xD stars are nice ;D
haiwei - err, because you aint sleeping? XD aiyoh, tsktsk. normally i would be sleeping like a pig. wheeeee.
Kimyeee - hello! hahahah ^^
BlaZe - *smiles* ahahaha, seems like everytime you come my blog, you'll have to read unhappy post de hor :/
ken - :D
genie - orh. have any ice? can pour all over me. confirm can chill de. :D
beishan - haha okay! sure sure :D i cant wait :D
tralala - omnomnom! china wasn't cold when im wearing 6layers and sweating ._. hahah,
genie - heh yea i wore 6 layers. be stunned, stay stunned.. :D
haiwei - omg! sorry i din see your tag before this :X hahah maybe i should fly back shanghai, send an sms, and fly back singapore :D
ChoonHoe - i alr knew that. omg you dont have to announce! XD tsk choonhoe.
genie - why the scream? o.o
xin - hellos! haha im fine :D yupps ^^ you too :D
ken - heh, you do?! o.o hahah, i missed you too la.
JIAWEN - o.o hello!
ken - woooooo. next time must help me blow candles :D
genie - no snow TT wooo :D
vengyi - hello nuer! hahah your buddy's house nice or not? xD
chongwee - humph! thanks for that comment. hahah my life's fine (:
haiwei - woooooooo hahah, hugs haiweeeeeee :D
tralala - yes, you cannot omnomnom me! i shall take advantage and win in bridge. MUAHAHA.
gim - haha im fine le :D wooooooooooo (: nthg much bah. missed you loads btw :D
erjie - hahah, thanks ar. curses! XD
sofia - pokes back! hellooooooo
shan' - BOO NIECE! wah boo me sia. you good lo. eh, must send me many many songs xD
haiwei - LOL! sai, i cant wait for chalet le. can go keesiao. XD
BlaZe - hahah ty ^^

yupps that's it. i hope. XD

swing swing ;
10:02 PM;

swing swing ;
9:14 PM;

it's no wonder i dont talk anym.
i might as well stay a mute for the rest of my life.
my jokes aint funny,
im supposed to talk and smile,

oh goddammit, i know now!
you want me to be a robot,
是吧？

see i knew it.

vomits blood.

goddammit the damage's done,
even if the main problem's out,
there's always the little newer problems.

groans-
im gna stay a depressed girl till the day i can finally be "free"

goddammit.

**

i thank my social life.
it aint becoming pathetic.
(i hope.)

if it's pathetic,
hah. i dont think i can smile for days.

it's those little gestures that touch me,
always.

my bandmates are the bestest,
my classmates would continue to be the rocks they are,
and as for those who i might be considering to put in my besties list?
those are the people i owe my smiles to.

im happy i have people around me.

**

they should seriously go get a life.

now im stuck.
no excuse to go out.
whattheshit.

ohwells.

all the little shit in life,
are meant to be.

i shall let go,
and be free.

swing swing ;
8:35 PM;

everybody treat me damn good you know.

i see people in the airport hug their child like they're some newfound treasure like that sia.

they treat me damn good sia.

who gives a hoot bout presents.
next time (if there's a next time)
i effing buy for myself.
wtf din even look at what i bought,
still throw around like it's some stupid piece of shit,

next time,
simple.
i dont effing buy anything.

damn tired,
wna puke,
nobody cares yknw.
the end of 10 effing days,
the starting of my emo days again.
wtf sia.

who cares about what i went through there.
who cares about what i did,
who cares about whether i missed them,
wtf, noone cares sia.

they love their child.
i dont even think this child here is loved by her own effing family.

swing swing ;
10:34 PM;