Yim unintentionally informed all us Smartphone users about the wireless connectivity in the classroom.
Well I know about it already, haven't got to test it out though, so I tried today.
I can go online sia. In my classroom. Lol.

I had fun walking 6 rounds around the field today with Madeline. Sweating like crazy is a point too irrelevant here.

Econs was bullshit.

Math was gg. If he keeps this up, I'll easily go mad every single day.

Break was.. well, the usual damn Jap stall. The two goons pointed at me and laughed yknw. Because I'm buying their sushi in bulk everyday.
A: *holds up plastic bag and looks pointedly at my 3 packets of sushi* Do you want this?
Me: Yes thank you.
B: *holds up three packets of soya sauce (SOYA BEAN JUICE ROFL)* Do you want this too?
Me: Laughs. Yes thank you.
Constance: *points at me and laughs real hard*

Econs wasn't any better. My group consisted of, S, J, W, H and me. So me and H were basically !@#$%^&* under our tables with the bloody text messaging screen. "What's with his hair OMG I'm so going to dye my hair next time." and "I got tell her what to write!"
Ah, my brain had trouble reverting back to un-disgusted mode.
W was funny though, and that totally helped.

GP was.. AH I LIKE "FISH EAT CORN" AND "COKE".
Then I like dreaming because I was nodding off near the end of the lesson. "Jennie."

Released 30 bloody minutes early because, YAYNESS.

Ice Kachang Puppy Love was amazing. I cried like crazy because the girl cried then the boy cried then everybody cried and the fat sister cursed at the guy asking him if he was blind because she was so BIG and he still managed to crash into her rofl.

And then there were all the screaming and the yelling and the frustration and I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU, AND YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME TOO.

I'm really sad because after all, misunderstandings are just that, and we have to walk away. I wish we could talk more, understand who's the Fighting Fish, and just bloody respect each other.

Right?

I pray, because I don't like vegetable soup. Maybe tomorrow would be a wonderful day. Then again, probably not. There's Bio makeup.

swing swing ;
9:19 PM;

Everyone's freaking emo. It isn't helping me with my ever-changing and confusing emotions. I'm happy, I really am. So I don't want to see this and break.

I drink Hot Milo because I'm supposed to. I'm a bloody failure. I stain everything black and red, and then I go off on my way.

"In a box, a quiet box, thinking about quietness, but when you look out, you see nothing that's quiet, you see movement and chaos, so you try to move, but you long for the quietness, the quietness in the box, longing for the order in the disorder, looking for the silence that you crave. You need to break free, but you don't really want to, anyway."

I'm happy these days because I've been relatively productive.

I hope I'd be able to accomplish something today. Productive = proud of myself = happy? Maybe. I might be too numb.

swing swing ;
11:18 AM;

Merry-go-round-
I'm walking around in circles.

不是说好的吗?

Today was a pretty good day (bullshit.)
I made a sweet stash at the corner of my table. Current sweet stash would include a Guava Fruit Plus from Haiwei Enrique Leong, and some Clorets Ocean Mint from myself.

Who here wants to practise loading dye. I want. I'm a retard. I can't do anything right.

But I'm all smiles today.

I drank Coke because my motto is GHDC (Go Home Drink Coke).
Am buying Sushi or Handrolls from the school's Jap food stall every single day because I'm apparently still stuck on the bloody routine of life.
I eat and then sit there.
Why can't I move?

My GP essay now consists of 4 paragraphs. I'm halfway there, I guess.

Gel electrophoresis is quite fun, if only I don't screw anything up. Because I always do. We wear gloves and pluck out the agarose at the ends of the container because that's where we put our seaweed, I mean, that black piece of paper that will complete our setup. I take micropipettes and the tips and the loading dye and the various samples and the liquids and the laughs and the cows fly and I'm sweating and my heart sinks because I really am lousy.

And then I have to draw diagrams but I know deep down, my body refuses to draw a bloody diagram because I'd need rulers and precision and time and I'm just so bloody used to routine that I'm the heaviest sample of them all. Shortest distance, and stuff.

Math tutorials are never ending and I shall bring Normal Distribution Tut 2B to CIP tomorrow because I know for sure that there'd be time for me to do it. I'd get the hours and forget CIP forever because I won't deny that I am the typical student who pretends to like volunteering just to fulfill requirements or to score points. Volunteering I wouldn't mind doing it. But for now, my time is spent on getting over my tendency to be rigid and jaded, so I really don't think adding CIP to my to-do list is a good thing to do. This CIP is also bad timing, because I'd be missing out on a lot and I don't think it's such a good idea.

I guess I'll read Chemistry on my own and attempt the tutorials like I did Math. Hell if I have to swallow my pride and be desperate about it. I believe, like Physics so many years ago, that it is comprehendable. By the time I get a hold of myself again, I'd be ready to confront A and spam questions so that I'd be invincible again.

Biology is another dimension all on its own. But we all have different standards. Basically I have to do the same as Chem. There's still time. Hopefully.

Am glad my activity on the computer has been decreasing rapidly (even if I'm starting to show some bad signs again since yesterday)
I'd definitely have time this way.

"Must own this time. Then can get out of this." - Z
But I need to master the skill of structure and make myself not panic first. It's hard. And the thing is, I don't want to get out. It makes me manage my time better. It's good for the long run.

Chem SPA is near. Thank goodness it's Kinetics. I hate Organic Chem because I'd panic and burn my DNPH. The theory questions, though, are a little hard to handle.

Can't take this shit because it's fluctuating and not constant at all and going kaboom on me. Feels like a breakdown, but my system's acting like everything's fine. Even now, I don't even feel upset, just a little numb. It's worrying, really.

Ridiculous me. I know what I should do. Now that I also happen to know I CAN do what I should do, I'm more assured.

Willpower, gogo.

swing swing ;
10:03 PM;

So, well, I like to spam shit in random places.
Had fun doing it for my brother's little essay of a hundred words.

Wait, did I say essay? Tsk. 100 words is cheesecake. Or chicken feet.
Both of which are pretty decent food I would like in my tummy if prepared properly.

Chocolate bars are interesting. Except.. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY PACKETS IN MY HOUSE?!
Eh shit, too sweet sia. But apparently one packet is 1 dollar.
Being Singaporean certainly does have its perks.

So I caught the clock at 2pm, 6pm, and 930pm today.
Has lost interest in the clock. I don't absorb the things it's trying to tell me.

Dragons are retarded beings. But they've got mean fire-breathing skills, so I guess that's alright. Who's to say they don't think the same of us human beings? Oh. Right. They don't exist.
Well, sorry.

Typing has taken over writing.
Maybe I should have thrown caution to the wind.
I'm worthless, there's nothing to fight for. I'm just a failure, a speck of dust on your sparkling kitchen floor.
At least if I just adopted another approach, I'd have been worthless but happy.

swing swing ;
8:56 PM;

Tired, but I've slept enough these days.
Likes to do Binomial and Poisson distribution,
I wonder if Normal distribution's gna be the same.

Running around in circles, like the record's playing the same old song.
I'm afraid I can't break free.
Downward spiral into nothingness.

And yet we speak of dreams so freely.
So attainable,
so in reach.

I believe I can.
Eventually.
But am I gonna reach there in time?

There's no more running for P.E.
No more drive.

Today's a strange night.
Quiet. Bloody silence. Creeps me out.
Maybe tomorrow'd be better. Maybe not.

Not gonna buy Burger King tomorrow. Hmms. But I have no other choice. There's no food in Orchard Central sia.

**

Drawing smiley faces and hollow heart spaces.

swing swing ;
8:42 PM;

I like my new pink shorts.
It used to be white.
I thought it was the lighting, so I brought it to the bathroom and squinted at it.
Hard.
Then I frowned.
I guess I'm colour blind after all. But.. no ah, I used to be able to see it white leh.
Still, I shrugged my shoulders and decided to wear it anyw. No harm mah.
Everyone shall be idiots together with their flower shirts and their old tees and my stupid pink shorts.

Was rather interested at the talk of war.
There was this question, past A lvls question.
It's rather interesting, I must say.
It says smth about the possibility of a WW3 being nil.

Eh, WW2 wasn't that long back, and the Cold War ended only about two decades ago leh.
Lol. Besides, I don't think there's absolute world peace now lor.

My stomach pain.
I think it doesn't like Pepper Lunch anym.
But I shall continue eating it anyw. I'm STILL addicted!

Yuling had me and Haiwei/Enrique laughing like idiots.
Her antics are the ultimate. :D

Ah I just blew a few bucks supporting the Entre Club. Hopefully got discount sia. And the bears were too cute.

Class is turning out to be Pokemon freaks alr. Anyw Wenrui imba. He one day fight finish 5 gyms. Wts.
"Don't train!"
But I don't want die. I scared. XD
Anyw Rocky pisses me off. He either
1. disobeys me
2. turns away
3. LOAFES AROUND
4. uses another move from what I told it to

Well now, normally a patient girl like me wouldn't mind. I mean, hell, I've gone through the very unconventional way of not fighting my way to the Elite Four, but instead fighting my way so that every single one of my 50+ Pokemon will be at the same level, probably 60+ till I give up.
Well now, don't laugh. I am weird, and what fun is Pokemon if you try to achieve the game's original aim? (:
I remember Constance was pissed off with me when I brought my gameboy to Shanghai trip. She said she could chiong to Elite Four in a few days. Heh XD
"I want to chiong my Geodude to Level 30+ instead. That 'magnitude' thing is mean."
Constance: ._.

Anyw I saw this thing on some Pokemon forum.
I laughed like shit.

"So Belsprout are every where in between the first few towns, caught one for ma dex, then walk in to some house in the second town and some fool trades me an Onyx for it. **** yeah Onyx!

Then I see it's called Rocky, that isn't going to make any sense when it evolves

So I keep leveling it because "Surely I won't be able to catch one until way later in the game, and Onyx is mean" - Then I put up with Onyx loafing the **** around and turning away from me, sometimes even using a different move then what I tell it to, just to find that after the second town in a little cave you can catch wild ones that don't have a gay nickname and don't loaf around.

Still keeping old Rocky though cause he get's some sweet ass boosted EXP."

This is epic. (Y)

Today is Friday sia. Give it a break, lady.

swing swing ;
7:44 PM;

I don't like dark periods.
Reached home today feeling even crappier than I felt while I was on the long journey home, because of the realisation that there'll be a disturbance in my routine, again.

I bloody hate change.

I'm bloody upset.
Because growing up requires that much of an effort,
and I'm afraid I'd be stuck here for a long time.
We are volatile creatures, we are unstable.
So I snap all the time. And I don't like snapping.

I hope nobody does.
Impossible. But hope is a strange thing.
It exists even though it ought to be dead.

I hate my butterfly wings.

Removed my toe nail polish today because of obvious reasons.

I wish the current constant in my life would come back. Then I'd feel more comforted and more secure.

I frown at some stuff. Because I think I really hate all this. Brings us joy, eh? Brings us down, okay. Really, how stupid can this get.
The stupid thing is that it's not even funny. And I just see things differently. Like somehow I just don't get it.
Are you strong?

Am I weak?

Maybe I am.

**

Nah, I just can't think of anything happy right now. I make it a point not to make my blog depressing, I fail.
Well, I like Shixian's Fruit Loops or whatever it's spelled as.
It's wonderful, colourful, and very niceful.
Yes. Niceful.
I poured some on my hand and threw it down my throat like I'm overdosing.

Damn it, I told you I can't post anything nice.
Shall go off.

Seeyou some years later.

swing swing ;
5:14 PM;

Eyes must rub,
otherwise will pain. Pain is not good, because pain makes you uncomfortable.
But pain tells you when your body is not feeling well, so that you can do something about it and get rid of it.

Pain is suicidal sia.

I will try my best to talk in circles la.
I think quite fun leh.
Annies Junjie Sihua think I'm crazy. I probably am.
I think this post is outdated because this realisation happened last Wednesday.
The outing to the museum was fun. I saw things that were disturbing because they caused noise pollution. Some were silent though. But they caused noise pollution because I was so disturbed that I made alot alot of noise.
I think making noise is nice. What's the point of keeping silent when a person is given the right to express his/her views?

"I think you should try to stop it. It's not good."
Haven't I heard that somewhere before?

Basically I love myself today because I think I have never been this good before (Y).
I broke my own record, I finally did 31 sit-ups, I tyco shuttle-run and had been worrying for nothing because I was fluctuating,
Miracles stop somewhere.
For me, they stop when I go to the freaking black mat with a printed white scale. 155, I'm not even 155 cm. I put shoe there, I slip and fall, I put shoe again, I tired, I don't want jump already. I leave fingernails long long because I don't bother to cut and because everyone tells me it's going to help in my sit n reach. It didn't. Not much. Anyway, I cut it just an hour ago. (:

I hope we'll be playing badminton forever because badminton is the only other thing I can do besides running all day.
A girl can dream.
Do not spoil my dream.
I will end up not dodging/catching balls flying into my face and then I will take those balls and throw them at you instead.
So, do not spoil my dream.
(Well, technically, I have a very bad aim.. but..)

Finally Wings is free. It's one of my best friends from pschl, and I'm glad I showed it to her and not anyone else.
Because people will decode rubbish and fling it in my face.

I'm off to writing about tourism and whatever it is that my AQ wants me to address.
Someday, I'll be a writer, a.. Fleur Savagar with her playing around with stocks, a lab worker and a Jake Koranda with his acting.
Again, a girl can dream.
Do not spoil my dream.

I have a feeling I will k.o tomorrow.
Again.

swing swing ;
10:14 PM;

Everybody needs a little faith to carry on.
Needs to be inspired.
I'm uninspired.

It's when I hear the flowing music from a nearby piano that I come undone.
I like la.

I never told you by Colbie Caillat is awesome.

Yay new songs shall rock my life.

swing swing ;
5:27 PM;