god, i hate you so much.

i hate it when rage dominates my system,
i hate the feel of adrenaline,
i hate the way a small little part of me finds perverse pleasure in the rage.

i hate it.

remind me not to go through depressing stuff at certain PERIODS of time.

swing swing ;
11:15 PM;

swing swing ;
8:19 PM;

perhaps love would stem from a pool of eternal darkness.
perhaps it won't.

perhaps love wouldn't be the reason i sought for release,
from the oh so awful dreams that come to haunt me.

perhaps i'd just rather waste my time being lonely,
staring at the moon and the black velvet sky.

and then,
perhaps i'd like to reach out,
touch a pointed little star,
and watch my finger bleed.

so perhaps you would be scared,
to dance with me.

**

i've created a monster of tragedy,
a monster of tears,
a monster of fury,
a monster of fears.

so i hope i'd be able to withstand this whirlpool
of emotions.

**

stomach's growling like a waddeshit.
heck, it should just get used to growling, because i sure as hell aint eating when my mind is all jumbled up like this.

june holidays own.
pop more of those pills in my mouth,
(no i dont mean the following)
down some alcohol into my system,
(preferably margarita, <3)
and either hibernate like a damn bear,
or jump about like a drug addict.

and yea, hopefully my sleep-at-2am habit would stop soon.

swing swing ;
1:50 AM;

stupid customer: wow. twenty five dollars for a crabby patty? that's a total ripoff, dude. not cool.
mr krabs: well, but you're paying for the perfect ambience..
.. dude.
stupid customer: uh, oh yeah.. it is pretty good..
.. i would like 4 crabby patties :D

omg. hell. this is like the most retarded show ever.
&yea, i like everyone. spongebob and patrick, (retarded nutcases)
squidward (the forever cynical and sometimes dumb clarinettist)
mr krabs (the stupid cheapo xD)
and the stupid customers at the krusty krabs.

ahaha.
cartoons are like, 30 minutes and such a joy.

i've got to start having a life. ._.

swing swing ;
7:24 PM;

i think i've cursed myself.
it's a weird thing to think, but, well, i think it's true.
._.

apparently i rly did get a stupid headache. soon after haiwei got off the train at outram.
was manageable for awhile, but it got worse.
well at least i won't feel so guilty for not attending band prac today after all.

sigh, shall go rest.
will post pictures and everything tht happened today some other day.

stupid headache go away ):

(cuppuccino &latte <3)

swing swing ;
9:23 PM;

withdrawn was ytd's word.
doesn't mean it couldn't be today's word, too.

"the world's coming to get me. ahhh."

and here i sit thinking about all the odds stacked against me,
when it's all been thr all along coming to haunt me,

and i'd just tell it to get the hell lost because i don't give a damnnn.
wooo, baby, i'm giving you a ticket to hell. go ahead. and don't come back.

man, i've GOT TO get rid of those inferiority complex issues i've got.
what, don't look at me like tht, it's not as if im entirely at fault for all the oppressing monsters stuck in jails in my head, screaming at me, telling me to be self-conscious, telling me tht i'm the worst human being tht exists on this elite, uncaring place you call the earth.

now, tell me, ain't tht right?

may smile, may laugh, may even consume those imaginary drugs and get high,
but hell.
i'd told myself regrets wasn't the answer,
but disillusionment would be wrong, too.

so, the world's full of geniuses eh?
well, im the only one on my v own imaginary planet named imperfection,
and yea, im the only genius thr.
and IMPERFECTION is a thousand times better than dear old earth.

i ain't regretting, bcus i couldn't have helped it if i had another chance.
i ain't regretting, bcus i sure as hell have worked, and telling myself to go kill myself wasn't exactly the most brilliant idea.
i ain't regretting, bcus your several guilt trips would have accepted their tickets to hell from me, and i couldn't take another second of being a mere puppet in your ignorant hands.

so, go to hell, i say.

swing swing ;
8:24 PM;

word of the day: withdrawn.

swing swing ;
9:01 PM;

alright i just realise i have a few theme songs of my life common with haiwei.

we both like:
the day you went away -m2m
never had a dream come true - s club 7
taking back my love - enrique iglesias feat ciara

NIAHAHA.

eh! i like common theme songs. can spam and spam.

with jiayi, needless to say it's all the jesse mccartney songs and a shayne ward one (breathless) and badboy by cascada and..
-.-

and with zhiyi, it's fade away.

with vengyi, it's nobody by wonder girls xD
and, all about us by tatu.

rofl.

theme songs are great :D

(stupid randomness)

swing swing ;
8:58 PM;

swing swing ;
6:56 PM;

newfound idol!
other than enrique ._.

STACIE ORRICO AHAHAHAHA.

okay this is not rly new found.
more like, lost, then found.

i love her voice seriously.
and her songs rock.
although i've only listened to three of her songs ._.

stuck,
i'm not missing you,
there's gotta be more to life

ahhhhhhhh :D

**

(There's Gotta Be) More To Life
- Stacie Orrico

Yea, Oh~

I've got it all but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go?

There's gotta be more to life
Than chasing down every temporary high
To satisfy me
'Cause the more that I'm
Trippin out, thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life but I'm sure
There's gotta be more
(Than wanting more)

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment, I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

I'm wanting more
(I'm always)
Waiting on something
Other than this
Why am i feeling like there's something I missed?
(Something I missed)

Yea~

**

There's gta be more to life man!
Than wasting my time thinking why I shouldn't try-

should rly have better purposes in life. otherwise all i'd ever be is a floating squid, with non-directional nature or whatever shit the chem bonding notes wrote.
quite rare tht i had to cram info, then vomit it all out onto the test paper,
was never good at last minute cramming. (who is? ._.)

ahwells thr goes my chem prestige.
ahaha.

pretty tired, had a pretty blasted morning since i almost fainted after doing my everyday routine of running for the bus.
never thought tchrs could be so concerned. (she didn't sound concerned to me, though xD but her words showed concern.)
1.11:
"giddiness is smth you shouldn't take so lightly! must go see doctor, find out what's the problem"
with tht stern pretty face of hers, i never knew what to say.
i pretty much shrivelled up and nodded and gave a constipated face of fear.
hopefully jx, geri, madel and zoey didn't notice ahaha.

sigh,

**

ohya, PHYSICS ROCKS rofl!
(i know i don't take tht subj, but, HEH THT'S THE WHOLE POINT!)
kill me, physics people!

:/ okay im sorry.

jiayou physics people, y'all will do better next time de (:
as for bio people, yea, it applies for us too lol ._.

**

nahhh, i want my ice cream sticks. better finish my two bloody assg (chem and math, im not gna do the bloody two bio assg, yet.)
then do econs or smth.
and remember to send my zao pai sms to the bday girl (:

ahh, vitamin gummy bears rocks.
lol.

swing swing ;
9:24 PM;

*faints* hee, so this feels like the start of much long distance travel for jennieyip.
pw meeting at boonlay tmr, think is go geri's house bah.
(boonlay is worse than je! xD boonlay is.. i think 3 more stops further.)
aiyah nvm, i'd make sure they come my house as much as possible for future project meetings, xD

**

People talk about how great they are sometimes.
Well, here's my attempt at self praise.

I have a mouse's determination, a worm's speed, and a prawn's zest for life.
A mouse that lazes about waiting for its relatives to get it food,
a worm that crawls all day long at 1 cm per minute,
and those random little prawns you eat during dinner.

(Constance is impressed.)

Uhm, i have no idea why a mouse, why a worm, and why a prawn.
The prawn is the best, bcus, like consie said, seriously, a prawn does not have zest for life. They practically wait for people to scoop them up and sell them and eat them.
Ahaha, i'd smile and say, exactly! (:

**

the same ol' same.
just when has life turned so mundane,
i have nthg big to look forward to,
and like young belinda, my dreams feel small,
insignificant.

maybe i'd meet a james dean,
and maybe i'd be inspired, just like her,
and..

god, there i go again, making references to silly romance novels.

would kill to find smth to look forward to,
im the prawn, i know i have no zest for life, but
well, yea,
i would kill to have tht zest.

maybe the time will come when i finally catch up with myself.
gta stop losing myself cus it's not worth it.
shall try to pull my partners along, bcus they're struggling like me,
besides, with them around, i might be able to run faster.

life's stressful when you drag yourself down.

im like, the overconfident girl i once was again.
i'd prove myself right, and i'd bring everyone pride.

wooooooooo (:

**

(ms round better not piss me off tmr :/)

swing swing ;
7:56 PM;

okay i refuse to be called pelvis. rofl.
someone shall be pelvis, and another shall be presley.

NOTE TO HAIWEI: i shall NOT be pelvis. :D

stupid headaches, and i swear, the medicine was terrible too.
i think i can go and die for all the weird im-not-feeling-well days i have recently.
just feel depressed, withdrawn, and, well, sick.
groans.

sigh life's like ultimate now.
i hope my econs can yay, cus it's tks again. no offense to EC chua (xD) but i like tks and his icecream sticks rofl.

ahhh ought to go and heal my headaches and try to conquer the many many things i need to conquer.
vision's getting blur again.

seeya.

(those dao-ers, stop daoing me.)

swing swing ;
4:46 PM;

freaking llama, yo.
random much?

im a stressed llama.
llamas were described to be, erm, horses/goats with long necks.
i shall not tell you how much i laughed.

and if only i wasn't stressed, i would have laughed even more hysterically. ahaha.

sigh, am tired, but i don't think i'd sleep anw.
insomnia sucks. wonder why it only started this year.
maybe bcus i've been a VERY bad girl this year and the stress accumulating has finally gotten to me.

ahwells, gta deal with it.

im afraid i'd flunk chem, but it's.. it shouldn't happen.
im still aiming for my chem prestige, erm, feel. yknw, the feeling you get when you score uber well in chem. (surprisingly i manage it sometimes.)
and, i wouldn't let my qad down, right?
(faithless. im, uber, tired. suffering from headaches too. but i shall not pon schl on fri. not again. everytime pon, happen to be on test days.)
ahhh, life's so exciting.

and life's gna come to an end for jennie.
a sad freaking llama.
not to mention a stressed one as well.

stupid llama, yo.

(lol, i don't mean it. im stressed, but i aint freaking out. so im a cool llama ahaha :D)

swing swing ;
9:56 PM;

so yo,
imma stupid llama trying to roll around in fresh paint.

now, if tht ain't random, i don't knw wht is, yo.
._.

**

alright i shall apologise xD
stupid warped humour got into my head again.

anw, gay fish is the stupidest song ever.

**

when you first left me,
i was wanting more,
but you were -ing tht girl next door,
watcha do tht for-

AHAHA i used to love this song! till i looked up the lyrics and i ermed.
lily allen rawks nia.
her songs are so screwed.
lyrics and voice so dont match.

**

ohwells, shall return to my stoning.
hope i never do get tired of the many songs along the way,
cus after all, they do form my only source of entertainment.

i wna watch more bloody/stupid videos like taking back my love mv!
next time they need people to do stupid things, ask them come find me.
can earn money somemore sia.

stupid things like,
throwing/smashing things,
burning a mini fake concert and sending a mini helicopter (one of coldplay's songs)
acting like i have the IQ of spongebob/patrick (uhm, some random idea again)

yupps, i dont promote sex, violence, or whatever baddie thingys the media offers!
gp has taught me well (:

ahahah. yay!

swing swing ;
8:46 PM;

see what i mean by excessive?
._.

hmm, seems like fever part 2 will never come.
tt's good! :D

AHAHAHAHAHAH taking back my love is STILL stuck in my head! ^^

swing swing ;
8:38 PM;

swing swing ;
8:26 PM;

swing swing ;
5:37 PM;

(oh and i must say, the judges are apparently immune to the oboist's charm, because they got a silver. val: well, they aren't schl girls with random infatuation for shuai guys.
ahhh, star wars (acjc) got bronze. was pretty stunned.
im glad we din screw up too bad (:
im glad we got a silver.
and im glad i was a part of this, after all the scares.
im rly glad many were concerned,
and im rly rly glad tht.. okay i'll stop it.)

fever part 1..

was basically freaking out on thurs, 7 may, because it was a significant date and it was the WORST TIME EVER to fall sick on this day.
cried like bloody mad.
ms chan advised me to go home first, but i was reluctant.
in the end was quarantined in the hall with a mask ._.
thanks loads of people, esp my fellow klarinutz, huiyuan, a few of my dearest keesiaos from 4i, and really, many many other people. (inclu band mates who aint tht close but pretty friendly :D)

the aunties too, and the VPs,
and, i hope i din miss out any.
(think still have kiwi and pris who came over during their pe and wished me luck.)

then thr were the many people who wish me luck over sms and stuff,
tchrs too walked past and either comforted me/lent a listening ear.

so a big big tip tht i din rly believe in till thurs.
SPAM WATER.
of course, you have to run to the toilet every 2 sec x3 (inside joke with haiwei)
considering the isolated toilet is far from the hall (when it's urgent)
it's pretty xinku.

i was drifting out of sleep and tears, and finally, the miracle.
39+ drop to 37.2
was darn happy but worn out and brisk walked to the band room. the smiles from klarinutz cheered me up (:

ran to the foyer after changing and ms chan was pretty concerned and asked me to relax :D
a bun and two water bottles and i was hoping tht everything goes well.

had well wished from xinhui, cynthia, songhua, gimling and wenhui before i went in. so determination to endure increased.

i focused, but i must say, i regret tht i couldn't put in my best, because headache was pretty strong but i did manage to stay calm.

a silver.. guess it was okay, cus we sound like we were holding back,
and i rushed home right after signing my pi.

slept.

**

vision's blur,
but im glad i tried,

sorry to not have put in the best,
but rly it was one of the greatest moments in my life,
and i would remember it for years to come.

thanks klarinutz,
thanks RV Concert Band.

**

didn't listen to advice of many,
klarinutz's, haiwei's, songhua's, vp chua's, and basically many many many other people.

so the fever continues. serves me right ._.

i pigged though.
shall spam water thru the night.
hopefully it'd get better.

swing swing ;
9:38 PM;

swing swing ;
9:25 PM;

Bloody hell.
Bloody fever. Syf can own.

Attract attention sia. Wow. Claps hand.

If a fever can attract attention, I congratulate all the victims of swine flu. You’ve got so much attention, you ought to be thankful.

If my temperature goes to 38+ tonight, I will bloody kill myself.

*eats watermelon, gulps medicine*
*prays that I can take part in syf. Otherwise, !@#$%&^*

swing swing ;
11:06 PM;

shall starve myself,
will starve myself.

i wont stop till i get gastric,
and be convinced tht she's convinced.

everyone better return me my money.
including 5a with their math whatever k.

pissed.

swing swing ;
8:21 PM;

had a filled schedule these few days.
school, then band,
and band,
and more band.

hahah, but okay la, band was enjoyable :D
so i don't rly mind.

(plus, got eye candy mah! *hysterical laughter*)

band exchange was HORRIBLE XD
went thr with pretty swollen eyes so i couldn't rly see when i reached. couldn't open my eyes TT
but after tht it was pretty okay,
was highing, as usual, with klarinutz,
and was still highing, after the entire thing,
and through the night.
(highing over what, those who're involved, you should know)

today i had bubble tea, (forgot to shake it! again!)
(no it's not random ._.)

ah content,

**

wonder if im numb enough,
to forget.
wonder if im numb enough,
so stop being upset.

wonder if im numb enough,
cus i dont wna be sad.

wonder if im numb enough,
cus,

im not sure i want the mask off after all.

swing swing ;
8:59 PM;