i feel desperately angry.
i wasn't sure if i knew why.

i feel the urge to hit someone, something, anything.
i wasn't sure if that'd be a good idea.

i feel so agitated, not at ease.
i wasn't sure if that should be the case.

fingers dancing.
emotions raging.

so teen.

and who was to say im good at reflecting about myself.
i reflect, i know what's wrong, but i do nthg about it.
and in the end, im just someone i rly hate.

i seriously have a problem.
but i dont think i know what to answer to "what's your problem"

my attitude's so off, i cringe.
my behaviour's so weird, i repel like the best magnet in the world. (when it repels. -.-)
and when i want to.

wrong.
i definitely am wrong.

swing swing ;
9:29 PM;

swing swing ;
10:29 AM;

sigh. lol.
a little frustrated, agitated-

a little excited..

and i dont have my moon to calm me anym.

**

"i dont mind."
i shall banish that line from my dictionary forever.
because apparently, the three words will lead to people bullying you into doing smth you dont want to do in the future.
if your character is like mine, of course.

i dont wna bitch, so i shut the hell up and accept it and move on.
besides, how bad can it get?
and anw, "I DONT MIND"

anw im standing my ground :/
it's just too tiresome.
i dont want to be the one with the weak personality anym.
if anything, i'd envy. for being strong and insisting on your point.
i mean, i dont like to rebel, nor do i like to argue either. so i just take it.
(yes, this has gone way PAST the stage when a "no" actually works)

wna be proud of whatever i do.
she taught me that.
she taught me to have confidence,
and to learn to do whatever i do with pride.
with my very best,
so at the very end,
i walk out of it feeling like im on the top of the world.

so opportunities that i'd rather not grab,
PLEASE. just dont force me.
i dont need any more things to do.

**

i love omnomnom :D
hahahaha :D
i will try my very best to help you omnomnom!

**

i need a new moon,
i need the light.
i need the guidance
i would ever need, tonight.

because all i feel is loss.

swing swing ;
10:32 PM;

OHYA! sorry people! i swear i'll reply your tags someday. xD
im just really lazy. zzz.

**

you call that sarcastic,
i call it another way to express my meaning and make my point at the same time.

**

so,
i'd managed to go all BALLOONS (yes, that expression is totally new.)
and decided to put up a poster in my room.
this idea is very much koped from band,
and i even have a disclaimer at the very top.

an orange disclaimer (since i couldn't find my red marker)

on the side, in small letters,
(now that i think about it, it's rather unconvincing. an artist would have made sure that the message of the poster is on BIG BIG,)
i'd put there all the NONOs.

then, i'd coloured in bright cheerful colours for the five letter f-word.
FIVE. -.-
not freak, mind you,
i know i've gone balloons, but writing a big fat "freak" on a poster and hanging it in my room isn't exactly my style eh.

so the word is bouncing, it's colourful, and hooray it comes with an attractive orange disclaimer and the small teeny weeny NONOs.
i feel proud. (mostly, since i've added in gray soft shades to the background. the poster looks like it's raining now. sigh.)
my name is bigger than the NONOs, it's written at the bottom right hand corner.

now,
if only i could find my bluetack..

**

on my computer monitor right now is a pathetic excuse of a note.
it writes "eek! don't touch me unless necessary, you FREAK! ):"
it's square though.
i like squares.

definitely balloons.

**

our limited vocabulary
would only serve to put a stop to our vibrant lives,
expressions,
we'd only hide the truths, the facts,
&find it too late when we wna relate them later on.

so give me a safety blanket,
&keep me warm.

swing swing ;
8:46 PM;

im like, the epitome of justice.
now, if only people believe in me.

that's a hint that i've, like, suffered everything unfair,
all in a period of less than half a day.

everyone, say woohoo to me man.

im like, so NOT pissed now.

swing swing ;
3:32 PM;

swing swing ;
11:43 AM;

meaningless rahbish,
ahaha;

im stuck in between.
stuck stuck stuck.
what i want, and what im adviced to do.
and then i consider the implications.
and then i start tearing my hair out.
and then my brain start turning into goo,
and then i start screaming as the goo exits my system from my ears.

omg, am i screwed or what?

AHAHA.

omg, and now im laughing.
i shall change the previous question.

omg, am i screwed or am i screwed?

hmm, k.
you dont have to answer.
i totally know the answer man.
im just screwed.

*sad face*

nananaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa;

swing swing ;
6:55 PM;

just what have i gotten myself into?

sigh..

swing swing ;
8:14 PM;

good day, good day~
no really.
&good day again~
:D

a pretty fruitful weekend if you asked me.
i finished my commonwealth essay, did my math review wksht, and attempted the econs tut questions xD

aww, (:

got wonderful songs for myself.
im in bliss!

shall just look forward to the next weekend. ohno, next weekend?! i'll be damn busy. sigh.
nvm, i'll just bring my hmwk along~

homework, your new best friend.
try it.

THAT ADVERTISEMENT IS IN NO WAY RELATED TO ME. IT'S TOO LAME.

swing swing ;
7:47 PM;

started the lessons today. t'was, in a word, interesting, i guess.
i still cant get over the fact we're gna be having lessons in a different system, &seriously, i hope i wont, like, fall asleep so easily.
lols.

so, after schl, most of the class (i'd say "most") went to vivo to have lunch tgt or smth. tagged along,
hmm..

had a little flashback- got a little upset and tired, and only started to warm up to the rest of the girls during a game of slapjack.
it was funny, i swear. the forfeit for the first game was to throw all our used plastic bags away (we had lunch before the game neh~)
veron kena XD
next was even more hilarious.
haiwei and stacy went to PRANCE around on the grass patch, gaily. like, HAHAHAHA.
rofl.
im super glad xD
cus i was the last third to finish my pile of cards.

so i feel the sudden liking to the song
until the day i die by story of the year,
and decided to feature this song in today's post.

**

Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart for you
Until the day I die
I'll spill my heart

As years go by
I race the clock with you
But if you died right now
you know that I'd die too, I'd die too

You remind me of the times when I knew who I was
(When I knew who I was)
But still the second hand will catch us like it always does
We'll make the same mistakes take the fall for you
Hope you need this now I know I still do

*Until the day I die
(Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you, for you
Until the day I die
(Until the day I die)
I'll spill my heart for you

Should I bite my tongue until blood soaks my shirt?
Never fall apart so tell me why this hurts so much
My hands are at your throat and I think I hate you
But still we'll say, "Remember when"
Just like we always do, just like we always do

*

Yeah I'd spill my heart
Yeah I'd spill my heart for you

My hands are at your throat I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes, mistakes like friends do
My hands are at your throat and I think I hate you
We made the same mistakes we made the same mistakes

*

**

yea, know it's pretty repetitive, &the screaming part REALLY REALLY aint my style,
but still, i like it (:

**

we were just a lie-

swing swing ;
7:14 PM;

Let's jump, bounce,
Get ourselves high,

Let's sing, fling,
Get a little swing,

&Have fun, try some,
With a bigger twist-

**

Erm, turns out I've got myself yet another habit. I can't stop saying toot sia. It's like, everything can relate to the t word ._.

And yea, today, damn toot. LOL.

Memorable my ass. Using consie's metaphor from last year, I summed up my conclusion with a very serious face : The most memorable activity for the 3 day camp is the web game we played. I was forced to be carried over, while screaming like a stuck pig.

Looks like I must gain weight.
Tsk. Not an easy task, since my eating habits are getting worse, again.
Yes, "o.o"! Right?

*Rubs eyes*
I'm frigging tired, zzz.
Shall go sleep, I guess.

swing swing ;
4:49 PM;

oh the bloody.
lols.

so i was on another one of my hysterical fits less than an hour ago.
it was terrible.
im well on my way to being insane.

so, well, i was trying to discipline my brother when he, erhem, cursed someone close to us to hell,
and like always, i'd stupidly raise my voice because he started saying i was stupid and throwing pillows into my bloody face.

hell, so you guessed it. everyone pointed their accusing little bloody finger at me.
dont worry, it's not the middle finger, otherwise i would have fainted,
just that, it's so bloody unfair.

so hey, i got scolded for bloody picking a fight with him,
and hooray, im like this immature sister who's 8 years older than her bloody sibling,
to act like how a 17 year old girl would act like.
yea, im just so bloody immature.
i dont set a bloody good example,
and i suck.

god. does anyone feel like celebrating now?
i've never felt so great for my currently degrading status.
let us go and bloody celebrate at pizza hut shall we? my treat.
and yea, my treat, your foot. i dont have the bloody money.

say what?
oh, im bloody scolded for bloody scolding my brother for bloody cursing my mom to death.
wow.

see how screwed everyone is?
they rather side with a bloody little kid who apparently has the best IQ ever because every single fight we got into, the result would be me getting the scolding and him getting the comforting pats.

yea i know i probably sound immature.
i mean, comeon, we are family. i shouldn't treat the poor kid like some enemy.

OHYEA.

well im just frustrated and all,
and this bloody close to going all hysterical and having another big bruise on my forehead, yes, self-inflicted,
and im so bloody worried for myself.
i dont wna go there. seriously, i dont.
i dont like the wall to be my next best friend, just because my forehead's attracted to it, and that will be so bloody pathetic.
i mean, comeon, whose social life includes the bloody wall for god's sake?!

sigh,
this is so screwed man.

i feel so bloody numb. now that i've gone all hysterical just now.
and if i have to listen to another lecture about how i should just take it easy and not raising my voice,
i will bloody combust.

that little kid shall be the death of me.
he's so fat, he used to be so cute, and seriously, he needs to be more lovable these days.
I BLOODY USED TO ADORE THAT GUY, YOU KNOW?!
._.

this is bloody getting nowhere.

swing swing ;
8:35 PM;

swing swing ;
7:20 PM;

"We never know what we have till it's gone,"

Finally I've finished "Let's get lost" by one of my favourite authors, Sarra Manning. &It's made me realise a whole hell lot.

I guess I'm truly a spoilt girl, &when Isabel said something along the lines of : Depressed is this word idiots made up when they don't even know how it truly feels like,

I get that, I rly do.

We can bicker, we can hate, &then, when we lose, it comes of such a shock that you even had negative feelings previously. It's this guilt trip you send yourself on, &finally we settle to properly mourn for our losses, the losses that rly matter.

I apologise for every damn time I bicker or made miserable any of my loved ones, close friends included. Because, yea, unless you're being a maniac and accusing me of nthg, or in any case I hadn't done anything wrong, or perhaps it could have been a misunderstanding, I'm sure I'm a bitch at times. It's my fault, but I just can't swallow my damn pride &move on with the sorrys.

&I shouldn't think such a big deal of whatever problems I'm facing now, because certainly, they could have been worse. It should come as a relief that I haven't received any extreme emotional/physical pain, because if I had, only then would I allow myself to grieve like there's no tomorrow.

Life's still simple, but not many people can see that these days. They're too consumed by their little misery &are constantly unhappy &frowning. Wouldn't it be better to do the opposite?

Maybe bullies are overrated, &so are nightmares, but what bothers me is the change Isabel has to go through. A closed up shell, devoid of emotions, it'd be real hard not to have people around. Got to love Smith though, <3

(Dot, Nancy &Ella are such bitches, lol.)

So we fail to see the rainbow,
A seven colours instead of a billion.
All we can vision is dirt,
Bacteria, dust, all by the million.

We ought to be aware
Of what we'd be missing
If we continue to live in oblivion
&take all things for granted.

Noone should fall that hard,
So give it all it's worth,
You never know what you're holding
Till you lose tall that you have loved.

swing swing ;
12:39 PM;

WAHPIANG!
stupid caffeine, it makes me hyper.

im in momma's office enjoying my morning quiet time (:
the only difference is, i STILL aint feeling like eating that tempting cheesecake.

ohwell, after band. im sure i'll eat like WHEEE.

after much analysis,
i come to this conclusion,
I SUCK.

i'll never promise myself anything again. i never keep up with them anyw.
humph. *angry at myself*

okay im determined.
today ar~ :D
must read. heh :D

okay, i shall leave for schl le.
scully late for band. then die.
(actually wont la. later i reach there the earliest again. zzz.)

swing swing ;
9:11 AM;

roller coaster ride,
with ups and downs,
with lefts and rights.

only, im pretty convinced mine is more down than up,
and more left than right.
because everything is certainly not what i would call upright.

**

my hand just had to twitch and itch to buy that damn book,
even though, i sorta think it's worth it. LOL.

sarra manning is loves <3
her books, even though i have only read two of them so far ._.
are nice.

yes, before you ask, or start to google her up,
she writes teen romance novels i think.

tgt with that book, i bought another nice book, a pretty pink file (because the green and the yellow didn't look very appealing, and the blue is just the normal shade of blue), and of course, a purple dinosaurhighlighter!
*rubs hands in glee*

im such a happy girl :D
(think i got too fed up with fanfiction because i got tired of the typical story they throw at me,
and then later, i even went to read some that were great at first, and then you can see the intelligence level of the author dropping a thousand kilometres an hour.)

i can definitely stop attempting to turn my house into a bookstore.
and yes, i've made up my mind (i just hope i'll stick to it.)
im NOT buying vampire knight, because i only like the characters apparently.
the plot's acceptable to me, but it's still too twisted for me to think it's worth my money and space in my room.

(but im contemplating to buy every single of sarra manning's books omg ._.)

swing swing ;
2:07 PM;