noise can be disturbing ><
shut them up please..

**

indo was.. alright.
except for the bad air.
and smokers everywhere.
damn,

no, it's not in my nature to bitch &complain like a typical spoiled singaporean teenage girl.
but well, what harm can it do? xD

anw, the noise downstairs is unbearable.

**

i cant believe it i have so much to bitc.. COMPLAIN about these days.
the trip back to pschl din help much for my old wounds,
the holiday din do much to distract me much from whatever i wanted to be distracted from, altho i must say it was pretty fun and i shopped quite a bit and even "stole" a file ._.
no, dont ask. you dont wna know the details xD

&well, life's not being fair.

had a rotten sushi this morn, i hope my stomachache's gna go away soon,

ah shoo and leave me alone.
(:

in case all of y'all think im blur and are not aware of what's happening,
no i was just feigning ignorance.
lols.

Oo have smth to say?
get out of my face,
talk behind my back.
i dont frigging care, i dont need those comments.

dont go around trying to find ways to spite me,

&dont think i dont know. cus im very much aware.

what? hate me now? hah, you have a very annoying way of showing it.

swing swing ;
10:41 PM;

aim : to make _____ (erhem xD) jealous!

wonder when/where i can get the west view group pic :/

swing swing ;
8:33 PM;

swing swing ;
6:36 PM;

Perhaps those writers were just trying to experiment to work out the perfect way of illustrating the three simple words: "I love you."

Each tells its own story,

And what I like most?
Bittersweet.

**

I'm deliberating over what else to do.
Someone give me an idea?

Guess we are all selfish creatures with a most suspicious claim on compassion.
Or maybe, we are all revolting monsters with a mask of joy when all we feel are guilt and shame.

Hope for the future?
Think further,
I'm hoping for a worse life to compare to so I can regain my positive outlook on life.

And then again, maybe not. I need to learn to be content,
and I need to be happy,
just like I promised.

swing swing ;
4:41 PM;

so weekends came and went,
was so disappointed.
so much for the perfect weekend after the dreadful exams.

monday eh?
yeah, it was fun! :D

right.

well, physics was nice, (more and more frequently these days. wonder if there's a formula to calculate frequency. OHYEAH! there is! just that.. err, this doesn't apply.)
cid was great (of course it was. how can any lesson that lacks a tchr NOT be great? xD)
eng chi? well, chi was ahhh i hope i dont end up in remedial again. and this time i might not be able to pon wor. ><
eng was great too, movie mania, and yes, she looks damn chio gosh.
what's with the soft rebonding though? i was sure mine din look as NATURAL as that. mine was completely straight, come to think of it! gasp- i had a totally wrong judgment.
&the person was still saying that my hair would end up looking naturally straight.
D:

anw, gattaca? omgosh im so gna watch it. it's so..
thought-stimulating.
(:

math was.. hmm.

history was.. nice too i guess. :D
i liked his mood and his teaching today. could absorb quite alot. so i wont have a too difficult time reading notes le :D

hmm i dont think there was anym lessons.
guess that's like, it.

a crack in the diamond hard mask.
what i would wish for the cracks to heal.
&to keep the tool to deceive as intact as before.

lies, no lies, they're the same,
reality would slip before your very own eyes,
get consumed by the darkness within.

-sadly, you took my smile away..

swing swing ;
5:41 PM;

*feels for emotions*
hmm.. definitely not there anymore.

so that's it. i bought breaking dawn for you le.
YOU OWE ME MAN! xD
i expect a nice nice nice present for my bday xDDD
(although you might not see this xD)

today was nice, we went huiyuan's hse do cid report.
and yeah mostly we had the fun out of hell in there.
laughed alot, and yes, this korean show huiyuan is currently watching,
IT HAS WULONG INSIDE! (witch yoo hee - the guy who ended up with yoo hee :D)
OMG OMG OMG, haha i still find his smile damn cute,
and he's shuai.

what's with the OHMYGOD HE'S SO SHUAI thing going on with me now eh?
haha guess it's because of a certain sparkly vampire xD
name starts with a "e" :D

swing swing ;
6:24 PM;

SPARKLY VAMPIRES AND SHUAI ACTORS AND CHIO ACTRESSES~! <3
gosh.

sparkly vamps - edward cullen, alice cullen, emmett cullen, jasper hale, rosalie hale, bella swan (i mean.. CULLEN XD), jacob black (not sparkly vamp, werewolf, but in twilight saga :D)

edward the perfect soulmate to have,
alice so darn cute,
emmett's the spastic and joking and dumb one,
jasper has this coolest skill ever,
rosalie.. haha, she's chio :D
bella OMG OMG OMG bella swan's the best.
jacob.. aw poor thing, but i like his loyalty (:

OMG BEETHOVEN VIRUS!
LEEJIAH ACTING IN IT LEH! LIKE GOSH.
im not a les, but yeah, she's darn chio.
not to mention one of the two guy leads, a trumpeter, is shuai and cute too.
gosh she better not end up with the conductor i swear the conductor looks too old for her. condemns- xD
jang geun suk (i think. xD) WOOOOOO!

ohyes ohyes ohyes i havent gotten rid of my addiction over silver volvos and yellow porsches and red convertibles, and huge jeeps.
(the jeep, not so much. xD)

OHMYGOD, IM SO GOING TO CHANGE MY OHMYGOD TO OHMYTWILIGHT XD
err.. this is the product of a reaction between sparkly vampires and shuai/chio korean stars.
hmm..

breaking dawn's the rock.
music related romance shows are the rock too.
me, im gna go mad over everything until i get sian and depressed again
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

swing swing ;
10:40 PM;

life's getting boring.

emotions are evidently seen in people.
why cant i feel mine?

o.o

swing swing ;
8:01 PM;

basically im losing my sanity.
really.

im edging closer and closer to suicide.

&hell knows how many milliseconds more before i start tearing my hair out of my head.

god.

swing swing ;
6:19 PM;

ego's broken.
D:

so it was ss, like yeah, practically my subject.
-.-
a 6marks inference question. hey weird.. well, how was history's 7marks INFERENCE question?
even more weird..
like comeon, i swear tchrs will be amused when they see my kiasu self resurfacing.
i wrote 1full page for an INFERENCE question,
amazing.

like yeah, im practically ignoring my humanities from now on.
hmm, that's including the languages, until the day before wed, which would be chinese exam.
humanities, is not my thing, and never will be.
unless you're saying english, i like english, (:

eh? so there's just the science and the math and the one language left.
math and chinese would be left for the day before,
and science would take up a ginormous part of my life until wed afternoon.
seriously.
it's last minute pia-ing, im wishing now i could have studied earlier, but yeah. too late to regret. at least there's the weekends.

attempt : keep energy level at 50% every day.
(have enough sleep, im practically a full time pig.)

have fun? yeah why not. went to anchorpoint with 4i peeps, and finished kfc variety meal (er, it's not that big a meal yeah.)
after walking around at the basement. there's the fascinating cold storage, and of course, comics connection, which everyone basically went mad about.
zhengyang made a doraemon do (or have) smth nobody should contemplate. ever.
like, a, part of the male anatomy, together with black fur (yes, technically, not fur. no, not at all.)
yes. poor doraemon.

i cant believe i got white pus on my hand, excreted by FREAKING WEIRD LEAVES that i found INNOCENT. the leaves come in threes on each branch alright. i swear they were the most fascinating thing i found until they started thinking that my hands were the best place to deposit white sticky substance (technically they cant think, but ohwells.)
yes, they later dried, and became what? they became black. black precipitate? i so dont need to learn chemistry THAT way.

god,

so yeah, we were like freaking enjoying ourselves when the whole exam period wasn't even over yet.
but yeah, i swear i dont need stress in my system. i need energy though. im eating like a normal person these few days. (except for certain days for dinner at home.)

full moon.. pretty sight.
i dont believe any superstitions or beliefs involving the moon,
at least, im trying not to.

(:

happy tree friends are so not screwing up the sanity of those around me.

well, i guess my sanity's not exactly intact either.

swing swing ;
6:59 PM;

deep thoughts set in motion,
as the world continues spinning at the edge above the abyss below.

we're dying, people.
admit it. im not gna be in self denial anymore.
we're just dying.

i wna try smth wild right after the exams.
perhaps i'll try dating one of my besties and we'll have some wild day out during the weekends.
or maybe i could just read my breaking dawn and buy a HUMONGOUS bearbear to cuddle.

or maybe i could just continue to bang my head against the wall, and attempt to survive till eoys are over.
that's a possibility.

(i like the last one. although i dont think i'll be able to prevent myself from doing smth else.)

WHO'S UP FOR ESCAPE THEME PARK DURING WEEKENDS?
FINE, SINCE ESCAPE SUCKS, LETS JUST GO OUT AND SLAP EACH OTHER WITH A FISH TILL THE SUN GOES DOWN WOOO :D
im mad, im aware of that.

there aint movies these days. i would like to watch one with someone, anyone.
(okay not anyone, but yeah pretty much.)

just bring it on alr.
im getting impatient, restless.
i dont know what im waiting for.
:D

swing swing ;
6:39 PM;

lols.
another karaoke downstairs.

lols.
zzz.

talk about noise.
who listens to "xiao3 wei1" anymore anw?

swing swing ;
8:18 PM;

im actually agitated.
fine, strike the "actually".
it's not so unbelievable, my character considered.

damn,
how can anyone doubt my priorities at all?

and who cares about food now.
even if im indeed pretty hungry right now,
and depriving myself of food isn't exactly the best idea,
but my god. who has the frigging mood?!

damn it.
im actually agitated.
strike the "actually".

swing swing ;
1:07 PM;

im better off dead.

swing swing ;
10:52 PM;

stomach ><
hurts quite abit,
wonder what's wrong.

aiyah, sian diao.

words games we play in between lessons was fun.
good way to destress, and expand your vocab (though quite limited.)
but then again im not exactly good in the game,
and so i sometimes feel like there's a glitch in my brain or smth. STONE THERE FOR FIVE MINUTES STILL CANNOT THINK OF WORDS.

hahah, not to mention the anticipation me and xinhui feel for breaking dawn,
gna read it only after the exams.
i swear, i dont know about xinhui's self-control, but i might not be able to wait that long xD

huiyuan deleted the tetris from my calculator,
ahwells, i shall go find a calculator that has the lowest high scores so that i wont feel so zibei everytime i play.
and i shall ban serming or ruijie or whoever's pro from playing my calculator.
THEY HIT 20K ++!
and i cant even hit 10k.
own.

twisted sense of humour, eh?
well, you cant beat me.
i laugh too.
alot.

swing swing ;
7:04 PM;

sometimes feeling sour is inevitable.

things could never be perfect, who am i kidding?
what was i thinking?
&who could ever be as inferior as a teeny weeny me?

we have to say our goodbyes,
it's unavoidable.
so if we're leaving anw, i'd prefer the absence of waterworks.
you guys must be strong. what's with all the sudden lack of trust in yourself.
have you forgotten the thing i taught y'all?
are you going to disappoint me yet again?

yes we'll not be coming as often, but still, life's good.
why be sad,
we're not dead.

harsh? i guess i've developed that tone after some time.
it's getting pretty straining on my character to be soft.

and yes im really sorry i should have thought more about it.
i ought to slap myself a few times in the face for not considering everything.

but then again, even if i did, what difference would it make?

and as for you,
im getting.. frustrated by stuff.
stop thinking you're no good, because i swear you are.
it's just that you spend so much time thinking you're not that you start deluding yourself into thinking that others are better.
and if you're going down that path, i swear, i will never forgive you.

please just give yourself some time,
i wouldn't expect in my whole damn life that things would turn out this way.
im just hoping for the best, make things easier for me will y'all?

&why not just take it this way?
we're practically forcing you guys to do all these stuff,
and you'd better accept them like the obedient people you are.
cus that's the least we expect from you, are you gna let us down?

im not gna expect our choices to be a mistake. things are going to be difficult, but it's up to y'all to turn things around, and make it the best that it can be.
still feeling bad? come look for me, i swear i will give you a tight slap in the face.

**

i cant believe how much i can feel inside over smth that small.
i guess im really sensitive, it hurts me.

dont send me on anymore guilt trips,
anymore and im slipping back into a depression i've long since gotten rid of.

swing swing ;
7:12 PM;

cracked lips and boring lessons so dont make a nice combination.

the last petal,
screaming he loves you not.

**

istana perf was great. i had a blast, hadn't had a blast since 50th anniversary concert.
i still remembered the times,
when i was a noob sitting there still trying to figure out ride, soran funk and macarena.
ON STAGE.
._.
how we stole bread from other perf arts groups,
and how we tricked each other with trap doors and "ghost stories".
those were the times.

and now? playing one song at a time, it just sends all the memories back.
i wont forget them, seriously.
rvcb still has its flaws, but as i've always done, let the passion lead me in.
it may be a hectic schedule, it may interfere with your studies, it may force you to sacrifice stuff, it may involve a few conflicts here and there,
but im willing.

so hell, it's august now and frankly, my studies have been neglected and im thrown way behind.
practically hopeless now zzz. someone help me catch up TT

thorn in my heart,
you created a garden of pretty red roses in the backyard.

breaking dawn,
im still waiting. TT

swing swing ;
11:09 PM;

hey people, if you're free, help my senior with these surveys wont ya? (:
i swear, they wont take more than 5minutes :D

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yupps, chaiying, if you ever come here and read this,
HAHA you see i so nice LOL.
help you advertise :D

swing swing ;
9:36 PM;

swing swing ;
9:10 PM;