Merry-go-round-
I'm walking around in circles.
不是说好的吗?
Today was a pretty good day (bullshit.)
I made a sweet stash at the corner of my table. Current sweet stash would include a Guava Fruit Plus from Haiwei Enrique Leong, and some Clorets Ocean Mint from myself.
Who here wants to practise loading dye. I want. I'm a retard. I can't do anything right.
But I'm all smiles today.
I drank Coke because my motto is GHDC (Go Home Drink Coke).
Am buying Sushi or Handrolls from the school's Jap food stall every single day because I'm apparently still stuck on the bloody routine of life.
I eat and then sit there.
Why can't I move?
My GP essay now consists of 4 paragraphs. I'm halfway there, I guess.
Gel electrophoresis is quite fun, if only I don't screw anything up. Because I always do. We wear gloves and pluck out the agarose at the ends of the container because that's where we put our seaweed, I mean, that black piece of paper that will complete our setup. I take micropipettes and the tips and the loading dye and the various samples and the liquids and the laughs and the cows fly and I'm sweating and my heart sinks because I really am lousy.
And then I have to draw diagrams but I know deep down, my body refuses to draw a bloody diagram because I'd need rulers and precision and time and I'm just so bloody used to routine that I'm the heaviest sample of them all. Shortest distance, and stuff.
Math tutorials are never ending and I shall bring Normal Distribution Tut 2B to CIP tomorrow because I know for sure that there'd be time for me to do it. I'd get the hours and forget CIP forever because I won't deny that I am the typical student who pretends to like volunteering just to fulfill requirements or to score points. Volunteering I wouldn't mind doing it. But for now, my time is spent on getting over my tendency to be rigid and jaded, so I really don't think adding CIP to my to-do list is a good thing to do. This CIP is also bad timing, because I'd be missing out on a lot and I don't think it's such a good idea.
I guess I'll read Chemistry on my own and attempt the tutorials like I did Math. Hell if I have to swallow my pride and be desperate about it. I believe, like Physics so many years ago, that it is comprehendable. By the time I get a hold of myself again, I'd be ready to confront A and spam questions so that I'd be invincible again.
Biology is another dimension all on its own. But we all have different standards. Basically I have to do the same as Chem. There's still time. Hopefully.
Am glad my activity on the computer has been decreasing rapidly (even if I'm starting to show some bad signs again since yesterday)
I'd definitely have time this way.
"Must own this time. Then can get out of this." - Z
But I need to master the skill of structure and make myself not panic first. It's hard. And the thing is, I don't want to get out. It makes me manage my time better. It's good for the long run.
Chem SPA is near. Thank goodness it's Kinetics. I hate Organic Chem because I'd panic and burn my DNPH. The theory questions, though, are a little hard to handle.
Can't take this shit because it's fluctuating and not constant at all and going kaboom on me. Feels like a breakdown, but my system's acting like everything's fine. Even now, I don't even feel upset, just a little numb. It's worrying, really.
Ridiculous me. I know what I should do. Now that I also happen to know I CAN do what I should do, I'm more assured.
Willpower, gogo.