Monday, October 31, 2011
Don't fall down the rabbit hole again. Don't.
'Cause I'm just trying to be happy.
Happy like this, always. Will keep smiling, because what would life be for otherwise?
True happiness doesn't need to be chased. It will come naturally, like breathing. At its own time, at its own pace.
Till then, I'll just be waiting and smiling. ♥
'Cause I'm just trying to be happy.
Happy like this, always. Will keep smiling, because what would life be for otherwise?
True happiness doesn't need to be chased. It will come naturally, like breathing. At its own time, at its own pace.
Till then, I'll just be waiting and smiling. ♥
swing swing ;
12:43 AM;
12:43 AM;
Sunday, October 30, 2011
I'm brought out of my funk already. Gonna be my happy self till the next episode comes.
Hell Week is arriving. Speech on Tues, Math (!@#$%^&*) and Econs quiz on Thurs, Computing on Fri.
Still I'm relatively calm. Have already prepared my speech, and if I bring enough of my fake confidence up on stage, I predict I'm gonna kickass. And if I start mugging for the quizzes now, there should be no problem.
ZAI KIA 就是这样 (:
Different energy from before. Now I'm optimistic for my studies again. :D
Yay, good things are coming. Good things are near. I'm so gonna kickass.
Hell Week is arriving. Speech on Tues, Math (!@#$%^&*) and Econs quiz on Thurs, Computing on Fri.
Still I'm relatively calm. Have already prepared my speech, and if I bring enough of my fake confidence up on stage, I predict I'm gonna kickass. And if I start mugging for the quizzes now, there should be no problem.
ZAI KIA 就是这样 (:
Different energy from before. Now I'm optimistic for my studies again. :D
Yay, good things are coming. Good things are near. I'm so gonna kickass.
swing swing ;
1:48 PM;
1:48 PM;
Thursday, October 27, 2011
You make me dance
Bring me up
Bring me down
Play it sweet
Make me move like a freak
Mister Saxobeat
**
Track of the day. These days it's just better to immerse myself in sexy tracks.
The stress is easier to handle.
The hurt is easier to ignore.
So far I'm still doing really well, being really zai. Like I know I can be. 4 hours of after midnight studying for every single subject and still scoring A's.
But it's still largely due to luck.
Cmi, must work harder.
Downloading tracks then perhaps gonna prepare my kickass speech.
Life is seriously awesome right now. I feel stronger.
Hurt, sure. The wounds are still fresh.
But I definitely feel stronger.
GOGO BABY GIRL.
Bring me up
Bring me down
Play it sweet
Make me move like a freak
Mister Saxobeat
**
Track of the day. These days it's just better to immerse myself in sexy tracks.
The stress is easier to handle.
The hurt is easier to ignore.
So far I'm still doing really well, being really zai. Like I know I can be. 4 hours of after midnight studying for every single subject and still scoring A's.
But it's still largely due to luck.
Cmi, must work harder.
Downloading tracks then perhaps gonna prepare my kickass speech.
Life is seriously awesome right now. I feel stronger.
Hurt, sure. The wounds are still fresh.
But I definitely feel stronger.
GOGO BABY GIRL.
swing swing ;
10:13 PM;
10:13 PM;
Monday, October 24, 2011
A cathartic release, perhaps, for blogging when I haven't been for months?
Such heavy disappointment. Murphy's Law rears its ugly head again, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that.
I suppose luck can only bring you so far. And I'm still so rash, still so young, do first, think later, and now I'm a trainwreck waiting to happen.
Such a people pleaser. Such a high achiever. So unrealistic, so naive. This will only be a bullet point in the list of Jennie's failures, but damn, it's planted a bullet shaped hole in my heart and I hope like hell it would recover. Soon.
Gotta take it like a man, I guess. Lol. Okay okay, woman. Sorry, I kid too much.
**
Well moving on..
So much has changed. And yet everything feels the same.
Sky's still blue, grass's still green. It hurts a little more, is all. Feels like a loss. And what a huge loss it is.
It is probably because I'd fallen into such a comfortable routine, that when things happen, it paralyses me and I can't breathe all of a sudden.
Forget how to function.
Forget how I dealed with all the loneliness and sadness, before you came and helped me bury the feelings in the backyard.
You hadn't been perfect, too, but you'd still be here at the end of the day. It hadn't been so bad.
But now everything is. Bad.
I'm sad and I need closure, but I've always held back in front of you and you probably have no idea that I'm feeling this hurt.
Well, I'd offer a shrug right now and end this because there are just no words.
**
Uni life is incredible. It's exhilirating, it's tiring.
Well life's exhilirating and tiring, too. But hey, just got to deal with it, ya know.
A few months in and I feel like I've been here forever. And all the waiting doesn't count anymore, because seriously, nobody cares.
Got to make new friends, and it's an unfamiliar feeling, smiling and talking and making an effort, because Heaven knows I'm shy to the point of hostility in front of strangers.
Eventually getting judged by my own friends because well, I'd judge myself too.
Honestly though, sometimes the emptiness gets to be too much and I'd crack under the pressure again.
But I figured I need to at least try.
**
Health.. I'm starting to think I'd never be healthy. I'm like, the anti-healthy.
But it's definitely been manageable. No more fainting spells, at least. Those are freaking scary and I really hope that I wouldn't get them, like, ever.
**
It feels like I've got tons to say. But right now, I can only focus on whatever's been covered in the first two sections of the post.
I still don't feel better. Much.
Don't get me wrong, I think I've definitely become happier from the last time I was on this blog, but I'm moody as hell now which is the reason I've felt the need to come here to rant.
Hungry, actually. Gah I seem to get hungry a lot these days.
Well maybe I'll come back when I have more to say.
Such heavy disappointment. Murphy's Law rears its ugly head again, and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about that.
I suppose luck can only bring you so far. And I'm still so rash, still so young, do first, think later, and now I'm a trainwreck waiting to happen.
Such a people pleaser. Such a high achiever. So unrealistic, so naive. This will only be a bullet point in the list of Jennie's failures, but damn, it's planted a bullet shaped hole in my heart and I hope like hell it would recover. Soon.
Gotta take it like a man, I guess. Lol. Okay okay, woman. Sorry, I kid too much.
**
Well moving on..
So much has changed. And yet everything feels the same.
Sky's still blue, grass's still green. It hurts a little more, is all. Feels like a loss. And what a huge loss it is.
It is probably because I'd fallen into such a comfortable routine, that when things happen, it paralyses me and I can't breathe all of a sudden.
Forget how to function.
Forget how I dealed with all the loneliness and sadness, before you came and helped me bury the feelings in the backyard.
You hadn't been perfect, too, but you'd still be here at the end of the day. It hadn't been so bad.
But now everything is. Bad.
I'm sad and I need closure, but I've always held back in front of you and you probably have no idea that I'm feeling this hurt.
Well, I'd offer a shrug right now and end this because there are just no words.
**
Uni life is incredible. It's exhilirating, it's tiring.
Well life's exhilirating and tiring, too. But hey, just got to deal with it, ya know.
A few months in and I feel like I've been here forever. And all the waiting doesn't count anymore, because seriously, nobody cares.
Got to make new friends, and it's an unfamiliar feeling, smiling and talking and making an effort, because Heaven knows I'm shy to the point of hostility in front of strangers.
Eventually getting judged by my own friends because well, I'd judge myself too.
Honestly though, sometimes the emptiness gets to be too much and I'd crack under the pressure again.
But I figured I need to at least try.
**
Health.. I'm starting to think I'd never be healthy. I'm like, the anti-healthy.
But it's definitely been manageable. No more fainting spells, at least. Those are freaking scary and I really hope that I wouldn't get them, like, ever.
**
It feels like I've got tons to say. But right now, I can only focus on whatever's been covered in the first two sections of the post.
I still don't feel better. Much.
Don't get me wrong, I think I've definitely become happier from the last time I was on this blog, but I'm moody as hell now which is the reason I've felt the need to come here to rant.
Hungry, actually. Gah I seem to get hungry a lot these days.
Well maybe I'll come back when I have more to say.
swing swing ;
12:31 AM;
12:31 AM;