Unravel me.

**

Happening. Though when I tried to recount, it seems so short and clipped.

Monday watched New Year's Eve.

Wednesday played Playnation. Had epic fun.

Thursday went shopping then to school to train for hall road relay. 14:08 for a supposed 2.6km, but only because it was to recee race route and SL was there to run with me. Dying towards the end. Just, gahhh.

And now Saturday. Omg atas outing. Wonder which of my many formal dresses I can wear. Seriously impractical to buy formal frocks when I have not many formal events to go to. But they're so pretty!

Sighs.

**

Reason has returned.

I must think. Can't afford to be stupid anymore.

But must not be ice queen bitch. This is not a chess game.

Strike a healthy balance..

Wishing,

Hoping..

Too much chaos in here.

Shrugs I think it's good. Chaos gives me inspiration. This is a good sort of chaos. The bad sort makes me depressed all slit-wrist-y.

Gonna be alone for at least half of my mods next sem. Time to make new friends.

WRITER'S BLOCK BUHBYE

Shall wake up at 7am, not much time to snooze/laze, and rush to Bishan to train for road relay. Hope to have a good run (:

Then shall rush back home and master Daddy's DSLR. I'm nervous because I have no idea how to use it.

Surely taking pictures should be easy. Going to a media conference to take photos of a famous person. Like, aoeilghakelghngahiwghaighkalsgka

Haha. Okay I can do this. Must breathe.

Sleep time! Shall blog about stuff that's been happening recently if I feel like it some other time.

Nights xoxo

I wish people would just TALK. TO. ME.

I'm the type who doesn't probe, doesn't ask. I expect you to come to me if you have any problems or you need someone. I'll be here for you, a thousand percent.

If you don't come to me, I'd assume you don't think I'm the right person to talk to about your problems, so I'LL GO FAR FAR FAR AWAY.

Never doubt my sincerity. Once people decide to lean on me, I do my best. I'd give you everything I can - support, a listening ear, tissues. Whatever. You. Need.

Why do people just- ARGH!! TALK TO ME GODDAMMIT.

**

Spontaneous plans popping in my head on bus 186. Typical. I always think a lot on that 30 minutes bus ride home.

Dance lessons. Not ballroom, lol. I want something energetic, something upbeat, something that will make me sweat and overwhelm me. Ballroom touches my heart, but I want a different tempo.

I tell myself that the purpose would be to build my confidence. I don't know whether that is true or not.

Yoga? Cooking? PIANO?

Find a goddamn job. The tuition centre hasn't contacted me so I'm thinking I'm out of the game ._. May want to ask around and score a lobang, but would be pretty difficult since I'd be available for less than a month. I have half a mind to go back to Aviva, but.. -_-

Outings? Overseas trips? Too late notice though.

Write something complete. I'm forever starting on something then giving up a few paragraphs into it.

Keep busy!

Read up on stage lights for blackbox productions.

Study next sem's materials, maybe?

Gosh.

**

I crave action all of a sudden.

Lazing around too much is not good.

But purposely looking for action is not good either.

Neither here nor there.

Let's end this here.

I found happiness these couple months - small, simple.

Then I lose it all again.

No particular reason, actually.

Just feeling as if I'm drifting, going everywhere, but nowhere, again.

Existential crisis. It happened in the past, it happens again.

I threw this big party the other night. It took up quite a lot of energy. As a host, I was too nervous and frazzled to give a damn about how I looked, so now I moan at all the pictures taken. And there are plenty, believe you me.

Damn it, wrong outfit choice. Grr.

Anyway, the party had been for me. Decided on a whim, random, out of nowhere, just like me.

The gifts were awesome, I was seriously blown away. I seldom truly like gifts, accepting them because I believe that it's the thought that counts. But this time, woah.

Had invited many different groups of people, and also made sure that every single guest would not be alone.

Got pretty zzz by the end of the night because my energy was running out. And no matter how hard I try, I just can't function in a big group. I connect with individuals. Too many people unnerve me.

And of course, I'm not going to reveal any names, but certain things that happened just sort of upset me. Put up a good front though, I don't think anyone realised.

Don't order me around. Know your place. I'm your host. There are basic social rules to follow.

Anyway, I didn't enjoy the party as much as I thought I would. Great seeing everyone again, of course, but, well, it was just so much work and even though it had generally been a success, I got upset at the end of the night so it hadn't exactly been worth it.

Guest lists from now on must be considered carefully.

The sleepover afterwards was awesome though. I love my girls <3

**

Watched Breaking Dawn Part I today. It was utter crap.

I don't know, I don't exactly have high expectations. But it was just crap. I actually want to be free from my mild OCD so I don't feel compelled to watch the last movie next year.

So goddamn slow. A kiss after another. GDI I wanted to storm out of the theatre right there and then, it was THAT bad. Was the book that bad? Is it really true that the book may have been decent but it wasn't suitable to be made into a movie? That there would be no better way to present the movie?

I actually think the movie can be better. Sigh.

Anyway the night ended on a melancholy note. Had too much on my mind.

But calm and serenity is the way to go. I need to find and get back my little pocket of happiness.

Can't wait to line up more programs into my schedule, actually. I rather I be frazzled by all the activities around me and learning and experiencing than being in a constant state of immobility. I need to move, I need to explore, I need to go.

I need to grow up.